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Your beauty should not come from outward adornment, such as elaborate hairstyles and the wearing of gold jewelry or fine clothes. Rather, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God’s sight.
1 Peter 3:3-4 (NIV)

I went shopping for a dress for my son’s wedding.

Standing before the three-way mirror, I tried on dress after dress. Some were stunning—but seemed somewhat off. One required me to stand at just the right angle to make my waist look slimmer. Who wants to walk around twisting their torso all day?

Other dresses seemed perfect but only worked with high, pointed-toe heels. I slipped on a pair I brought with me, and instantly had memories of blisters and aching feet. I didn’t want to spend an entire evening longing for a place to sit down!

Then there were the “feel-good” dresses that were too casual. I knew I’d regret not dressing up for this special day.

This struggle over appearance gets magnified when you’re a widow.

In this season, I want to present myself well, honoring God in the way I carry myself. At the same time, I don’t want to fall into vanity. After all, God looks at the heart, not outward appearances (1 Samuel 16:7 NIV). The world may judge by beauty, but we should be more concerned with how God sees us (1 Peter 3:3-5).

As widows, we might look at this new season in life and decide we need a new look for the new season. Should we do that? And if so, how much is too much?

We know beauty fades with maturity, so how much do we work on our appearance?

Proverbs 31:30 (NIV) reminds us that beauty fades, but a woman who honors the Lord is worthy of praise. As widows, many of us know all too well that outer beauty is fleeting. But does that mean we should neglect our appearance altogether?

I believe that even in widowhood, even if I never date again, I can glorify the Lord by caring for the body He gave me.

1 Corinthians 6:19-20 (NIV) says,

“Do you not know that your bodies are temples of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own; you were bought at a price.”

Let the Lord direct your unique approach to your appearance.

As we navigate life without our husbands, we should seek the Lord’s guidance on how He wants us to present ourselves.

My friend Brianne has been widowed for years. Now in her late seventies, she keeps an impeccable appearance—not to impress others, but because it’s what makes her feel comfortable. She has no interest in dating, yet she finds joy in honoring God through her well-kept style.

My friend Katherine, in her sixties, has lived single for a decade, sometimes serving as a missionary, sometimes tending to her beautiful home. She loves fashion and keeping a great shape just as much as she loves keeping a fastidious decor and garden. It brings her joy, and she sees it as a way to glorify God.

Then there’s Bella. She prefers simplicity—jeans, minimal makeup, and a natural look. At first glance, she may not fit society’s standard of beauty, but her Christ-filled confidence radiates an irresistible loveliness.

No perfect formula. God allows our beauty to show up in unique ways.

Personally, I admire homes and fashion trends like Katherine’s, but I know perfection isn’t my strong suit. Instead, I aim for a level of personal care and orderliness that allows me to welcome others into my home and into my presence without stressing over every detail.

And while I could go the extra mile and be a glam gal, I’ve learned that I feel most at ease when I do just enough to feel comfortable—in my own skin and my own shoes!

When I exercise, it’s not to chase youth but to honor the body God gave me as I age.

Find your balance. Don’t worry about impressing others. How you present yourself is a reflection of how you honor God. If you neglect your temple, that’s a problem. And if you’re twisting your torso or wobbling in shoes that hurt, it’s time to rethink your wardrobe.

So I gave away my heels and embraced flats. I let go of dresses that required constant adjusting and found a dressy gown that let me move freely, honoring both the occasion and the Lord.

Lord, help me find the right balance in my appearance. Let what I wear reflect who You made me to be—whether it’s Brianne’s polished look, Bella’s relaxed style, or something in between. May my outward appearance never be about vanity, but about honoring You. Let Your glory shine through me. Amen.