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“After the earthquake came a fire, but the Lord was not in the fire. And after the fire came a gentle whisper.”
1 Kings 19:12 (NIV)

Sometimes we have to turn off the noise.

I know because recently I found myself sitting alone in my living room after a situation that left me feeling less than… undervalued… insignificant. The events of the day kept replaying in my mind, and with each replay the lies seemed to grow louder.

As I sat there in the quiet of the evening, something unexpected happened. I realized there was incredible peace in the silence. Not just because there wasn’t any noise, but because the quiet gave me space to process my thoughts. More importantly, it gave me space to hear the still, small voice of God.

“Be still, and know that I am God.”
Psalm 46:10 (NIV)

His voice gently reminded me of what the noise had made me forget.

…You are loved.

…You are valued.

…You are not insignificant.

As I continued to reflect on everything that had happened, I made a decision. I am going to be me, and I am going to stop apologizing for how I feel. My feelings are real. They exist, and pretending they don’t won’t make them disappear. They may not always reflect the truth of a situation, but they are still part of my experience and deserve to be brought honestly before God.

Then another thought surfaced.

The truth is… I’m not even sure I know who I am.

In that moment, I realized that I had lived my whole life trying to live up to everyone else’s expectations of how to act, how to talk, and how to think.

Over the years, so many voices have spoken into my life. They haven’t always been positive voices. The voices said…You’re wrong… You shouldn’t feel that way…You shouldn’t act that way. Too often my feelings were dismissed, and it always became my fault. I was the one who had a problem; the one who was broken.

For a long time, I believed those lies.

But that night, I decided I wasn’t going to believe them anymore.

That’s when the peace came.

Not because my circumstances changed. Not because all my questions were answered. Peace came because I shut off the noise and allowed the Spirit to minister to me in the quiet solitude of my living room. In those moments, the truth spoke louder than the lies.

Looking back, I realize that after Vic died, the noise became my refuge. I filled every quiet moment with television, where I could get consumed with someone else’s life story and forget about mine. The noise blocked out the hurt and pain of losing Vic. It became a survival tool.

The problem is, somewhere along the way, survival became habit.

I’d walk into the living room, turn on the television, watch until I couldn’t keep my eyes open, and then go to bed. Night after night. Without realizing it, the noise had become my constant companion.

But God has always called me into the quiet.

In those early days of my grief, He often drew me out to my front porch to sit and talk with Him or maybe to cry on His shoulder. Even in winter, wrapped in a thick, cozy blanket, it was not uncommon to retreat to my porch and talk with God.

Those moments became sacred because, in the silence, I could hear His voice.

I haven’t done that for quite a while, and I miss it.

It’s time to listen when He calls me back into the quiet. It’s time to turn off the noise!

As for discovering who I really am… the beautiful thing is that God already knows. He has known me from the beginning.

“…I am fearfully and wonderfully made…”
Psalm 139:13-14 (ESV)

So, I’ll keep seeking Him. I’ll keep making room for the silence. I’ll keep turning down the noise so I can hear His voice.

Jesus promised,

“My sheep hear my voice…”
John 10:27 (ESV)

The more I make room for silence, the more familiar His voice will become.

Perhaps discovering who I am isn’t about reinventing myself but uncovering the masterpiece God has been creating all along.

“For we are God’s workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works…”
Ephesians 2:10 (ESV)

Dear Lord, our pain is intense, but you know that. And the world offers us so many ways to avoid the pain. Help us to turn off the noise, whatever that looks like…whatever distracts us from hearing your still, small voice. Tune our ears to your voice so that the Truth can consume the lies the enemy loves to tell us. Give us a discerning mind to recognize lies from the Truth. And empower us to live accordingly! In Jesus’ Name. Amen.