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Commit your way to the Lord; TRUST also in Him, and He will bring it to pass.
Psalm 37:5 NKJV

It is hard to grasp, but I am approaching the five year mark of my husband’s home going. Some of that time has been passed in numbness. Much of that time has been gripped with fear, frustrations, failures and loneliness.

However, ALL of that time has passed with Faith.

Simply put, as I moved forward, I TRUSTED.

As I reflect, rewinding to that despairing day in October, the fuzziness has somewhat cleared. I can see how the intricacy of trust, patience, and hope in Christ has sustained me.

"Trust in the Lord with all your heart and do not lean on your own understanding.”
Proverbs 3:5 ESV

It seems to be such a simple command.

Trust.

Five letters. One syllable. And yet, such a hard task to follow when one is caught up in the grief of losing a help-mate, a home-provider, a best-friend, a parenting-partner. It can get a stranglehold. Throw in financial challenges and “what’s next” decisions, one can lose her ability to trust.

I have lived the results of “widow brain” – running out of gas on the freeway (not once, but twice), buying items to use– only to lose them, making poor financial decisions, slacking in taking care of myself, and botching up parenting more times than I can count.

Yet, reflecting, I see the results of how simply trusting Him has carried me. Through Him, I am moving forward. This journey is full of ups and downs. These disruptions can bring dependency upon Him as we trust. He wants ALL of who we are and where we are. The good and the bad. We must learn to not expend energy on regretting what was or what might have been. I encourage you to start now, my friends, at this moment. Strive to accept what is now, searching for His will in the midst of it.

Has it been an easy walk? No.

No, it has not. Like you, most certainly, I have put on the outward appearance of pretense that all is great. Sometimes it is just easier to display. But God sees beyond that facade, He sees our hearts. We should rejoice in the relief of being fully understood. He understands. He wants your struggles and your weaknesses, and as we trust, He will transform them into strength. Through the process, sisters, please remember: our relationship with Him is clothed in Grace. Nothing can separate us from Him.

Trust. Believe. Wait.

This is my prayer for you, sisters: “May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in Him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit.” (Romans 15:13) Even though we will never forget our beloved spouses – we will trust. We know that with God, we can move forward working toward who He want us to be. As we move forward in our journey, may we see His presence in our day to day life, in all aspects of what we face each day. Amen.