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“I waited patiently for the Lord; he turned to me and heard my cry. He lifted me out of the slimy pit, out of the mud and mire; he set my feet on a rock and gave me a firm place to stand. He put a new song in my mouth, a hymn of praise to our God. Many will see and fear the Lord and put their trust in Him.”
Psalm 40:1-3 (NIV)

When Time Stands Still

I have been late since the day I was born. Call it my biggest personal flaw but know that if I am late for our lunch date, it’s not on purpose! My daughter says I have “time blindness.” I frequently overestimate the time I have and underestimate the time it will take me to do something.

When I became a widow, it was magnified enormously. Grief-brain makes time do weird things – especially those first few months. Time seems to distort. The world seems to both stand still and move on without you. I found it very hard to plan ahead. Next weekend seemed like an eternity away that I couldn’t comprehend. And yet writing lesson plans for tomorrow’s classes eluded me as well. I had to have a dear friend come sit beside me while I slogged through curriculum planning for my students – something I had always been very good at before.

I struggled most with things that reminded me of how long Ryan had been gone. Some widows keep their husband’s clothes in the closet for years, and I completely understand that. For me, though, the dust that collected on the shirts and pants in our closet was a physical reminder of his long absence. My time blindness was swept away every time I went into our closet. I kept a few of my favorites, but the rest had to go.

Learning to Wait

God told me early in my grief that He still had a plan for me and that I had work to do, but waiting for a time when I felt capable of continuing that work felt like another eternity. When would I feel comfortable interacting with people again? When would I feel safe enough to go to new places alone? When would my brain be capable of writing anything coherent, much less meaningful?

God just kept whispering, “Wait. Just wait.”

I wonder if that is what He whispered to David over and over.

Waiting in the Wilderness

Samuel anointed David while Saul was still king. Scripture makes it clear that God had chosen David for a purpose, yet years passed before David actually became king. Jealous of David, Saul repeatedly tried to kill him, forcing David to spend years fleeing through the wilderness.

I am amazed at how David stayed so faithful to God during this time. God clearly told him he had a great purpose, and David loved the Lord with all his heart. Why couldn’t he just get started fulfilling that purpose and skip all the hardships?

I don’t have enemies seeking my life the way David did, but after my husband died, I did experience a time of wandering in the wilderness – seeking shelter, protection, and direction. I asked God many times when my suffering would end.

The Waiting Isn’t Wasted

Additionally, I am fascinated that David wrote these poems during his difficulties—not after it was over. During those years of running from Saul, David poured his fear and grief out to God. Psalm 57 was written when David fled from Saul into a cave.

David cries,

“Have mercy on me, my God, have mercy on me, for in you I take refuge. I will take refuge in the shadow of your wings until the disaster has passed.”
Psalm 57:1-2 (NIV)

David cries to God for mercy from these troubles, but in the same verse he confirms that he will rest in God until the disaster has passed. How many years did it take for that disaster to pass?

How many years will it take for my disaster to pass? Do I take refuge in the Lord in the meantime?

A New Song

Then, in Psalm 40, I discovered a possible benefit of David’s long-suffering.

“I waited patiently for the Lord; he turned to me and heard my cry. He lifted me out of the slimy pit, out of the mud and mire; he set my feet on a rock and gave me a firm place to stand. He put a new song in my mouth, a hymn of praise to our God. Many will see and fear the Lord and put their trust in Him.”
Psalm 40:1-3 (NIV)

David describes how God pulled him out of the deep pit he was in and gave him a new song. And many people saw and feared the Lord and put their trust in Him because of David’s testimony. Thousands of years later, his words still point hurting people toward God.

Years after my husband’s death, I can see how God is lifting me out of the slimy pit of grief. And He is giving me a new song to praise Him. My suffering may not ever completely end, but I will wait on the Lord to fulfill His promises to me. And if “many will see and fear the Lord and put their trust in Him” because of my testimony, then I am thrilled and humbled to be part of the process.

If you are still waiting in your own wilderness, perhaps the waiting isn’t wasted. Take refuge in Him until your disaster passes. He knows what you need.

Prayer

Dear Lord, as we wait for suffering to end, help us to remember David, whose testimony has pointed suffering people to You for generations. Let others see You at work in our lives, and let them put their trust in You. Thank You for the words of comfort in Your scriptures, and hold us close until the disaster passes. In Your Son’s Holy Name, Amen.