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Each one should use whatever gift he has received to serve others, faithfully administering God’s grace in its various forms.
1 Peter 4:10 NIV

As my pastor spoke, these words were all I heard: the “gift of singleness”.

Quite frankly, I thought he was crazy. How easy it was for him to think of it as a gift when he has been married for forty years! As someone who had it thrust upon her unwillingly, I was having a hard time seeing what was so great about it.

In the early months of my widowhood I remember being worried what people would think: is she divorced, never married, widowed? I look back on that now and just shake my head. The desire to have my old life back, to still be able to say I was a married woman was taking up space in my heart that should have been desiring God. It was hard to tell when I had crossed the line into desiring a status more than missing the man who was my husband, but I had.

About six months after John died, I felt God asking me, “Why are you still wearing your wedding rings?” Was it a reminder of John and our time together? Did I still consider myself his wife? The Holy Spirit helped me answer the question – I was wearing my rings because I didn’t want to have a visible reminder that I was no longer married. I didn’t want to stick out as being different from all my married friends. Why was I afraid of strangers making assumptions about my life? Realizing it was for all the wrong reasons, I took the rings off.

I was moving into acceptance that I was single, but I didn’t really have any single friends. We were married for fourteen years and I was forty years old….my circle naturally did not include a lot of single people anymore. So I decided it was time to seek out other singles and not necessarily widows.

I needed others who had embraced their singleness and were thriving.

I am blessed that my church had a singles group for adults in their thirties and forties, so I checked it out. Was it hard? Absolutely! I didn’t want to be there, and I was the only widow. It was such an important step though. I had finally accepted my new status and was on the way to embracing singleness. I discovered a wonderful group of friends who continue giving me love and support as we travel this road together.

I’ve learned to see the gifts of my singleness. Among other things, I can make decisions without having to consult someone. What I say goes. I have learned that sprawling out in the middle of the bed makes it feels more spacious. I don’t have to share closet space. Chick flick marathon? Yes, please! And then there is dating again. A bit nerve racking at times, but exciting as well and full of possibilities.

The most important gift of my singleness is that I can be used for ministry in ways I couldn’t while married.

When my husband was still here, I turned down some serving opportunities because they would have taken away from the time I had to spend with him. Now I am freed up a bit more. I can be used by God in ways I couldn’t before.

Embracing my singleness did not happen quickly, and the process began only after I had done the hard work of getting to the other side of my grief.

Only you will know when you are ready for this step, but I encourage you to think about it. When you are ready, search out other singles. Learn from those who are embracing the single life. Ask God to show you what gifts he has for you as a single adult. You might be surprised what you find!

Father, I pray for my widow sisters who are struggling with being single again. Show them that in every season of their lives You have a gift to give if they just open their hearts to it. Lord, I ask You to bring people into their lives who will walk with them in singleness. Give them insight as to what new opportunities You have in store for them that can only be realized as a single. Help them to embrace the “gift of singleness”. Amen