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This is my first Christmas in the place I currently call home. After five years without my husband, I’ve begun to decide what decorations and traditions are significant for me. I recently found a journal filled with memories of Christmas past. There were listings of the places we celebrated and favorite people we shared life with since the first year of my marriage to Bill.

How do you celebrate the birth of Jesus?

Jesus is the “Reason for the Season” of course, but celebrating Jesus can get lost in the next event. The choir concert or the dance of the sugar plum fairy can fill the time but leave us empty. Just as the opposite choice of isolating to prevent runaway emotions from controlling the day can leave us avoiding the loss and result in loneliness. In Luke, the angel gives a reminder not to be afraid.

But the angel said to them, “Do not be afraid; for behold, I bring you good news of great joy which will be for all the people; for today in the city of David, there has been born for you a Savior, who is Christ the Lord. This will be a sign for you: you will find a baby wrapped in cloths and lying in a manger.”
Luke 2:10-12 (NASV)

Remember that Jesus was born in a manger. Just like that manger, life is messy, and we do not need to have our act together to celebrate. Each tradition or Christmas event can add pain or awaken memories that can add fuel to an already deep need to remember my husband. I want to celebrate his time with us and embrace the memory that Jesus was at the core of who he was and how he longed to live.

This year, I contacted my two children and asked them for one gift this Christmas.

The gift of at least one hour.

The gift had to be celebrated over a meal and I would cover that cost. It cost them time and scheduling and would have an emotional impact on me. During this season, I need time with them. The value of this gift is great to me, and my guidelines are simple. I asked them to bring answers to these 3 questions.

1. What’s your favorite memory from Christmas growing up?
2. What/how can we celebrate going forward?
3. How can we honor Dad during this season and going forward?

Adult children have their own share of emotions and Christmas memories that need to be honored and respected. They deserve an opportunity to share their heart and celebrate and honor their dad in this special season when possible. They might not have a desire to make changes but find joy in traditions and long for reminders of past holidays. Now, I realize loss is different for each of us. Driving to see Christmas lights, or staying up late wrapping presents might be enough this year.

I answered those same questions as well.

1. My favorite memory of Christmas with my children was the year I realized that the actual day we celebrate does not matter. One Christmas Eve, Bill flew out to be with his dad before surgery. My meal preparation and gift wrapping came to a halt. Suddenly my priorities changed. Packing began and soon I dropped him off at the airport. Christmas that year happened when he returned home.
2. Christmas Eve is our day to celebrate as a family. This year, I had one request for a three-hour phone-free time for family fun. Listening to one another and developing new memories for Christmas is my new focus.
3. My idea for honoring Bill is to visit residents and give out candy/cookies at an independent living place nearby.

As I find myself filling time with various events, I consider how to embrace the loss of my husband while loving those people who are still here with me. I am realizing that I am more than halfway to heaven myself and I want to be intentional about celebrations and remembering and honoring people I treasure. This year let’s all allow our hearts to be filled with hope as we sing Joy to the World.

Lord,

We long to celebrate Your gift of Jesus this holiday season. We come to You with hearts broken by loss and asking for wisdom and grace to manage each moment. Give us Your peace and presence this Holy Season. Provide us eyes to see You work in our lives and in our families. We need Hope to see the direction You want for each of our lives and the confidence to move forward each day as we walk in faith. Thank You for the Joy and Love of this Christmas season. May we always remember the reason for this celebration. Amen.