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And my God will supply every need of yours according to his riches in glory in Christ Jesus.
Philippians 4:19 (ESV)

I love my circles of friendships more now than ever. But honestly, it wasn’t always that way after losing my husband. For a while, a few disappointments led me into friendships that just didn’t quite fit.

I knew I’d had wonderful friendships before—and still had a few strong ones—but I didn’t realize I was choosing some people whose values didn’t really match mine. Eventually I turned to God and asked Him to help me untangle what had crept into my thinking: scarcity thinking.

So what is scarcity thinking?

It’s the opposite of the way God operates. God works from an economy of abundance because everything ultimately comes from Him. Scripture teaches us to be grateful for what He provides and to trust that He will keep providing according to His will.

Scarcity thinking, on the other hand, is the way of the world. It hisses, “Grab what you can before you lose it.”

But God says something very different: Trust me. I will provide.

Loss can make that kind of trust harder.

When you’ve been through deep loss, unkind moments can sting more than they used to. Earlier in life I had a pretty good radar for noticing kind people and quietly steering clear of the ones who weren’t. But after my husband died, something shifted. I carried a new thought in the back of my mind: Bad things can happen to me.

Before long, my radar started picking up unkindness everywhere. I didn’t even realize how much it was wearing on me. I just kept moving forward—raising my children, missing my husband, and watching many of my friends continue their married lives.

I told myself I was handling it well. I tried to be the “good widow”—patient, understanding, and careful not to burden others with my struggles.

Slowly, without noticing, I began seeing the world as less kind.

And yes, the world can be unkind. But that isn’t the whole story. There is so much kindness out there too.

I just wasn’t seeing clearly anymore what kindness is out there.

Setting my own standards in place of God’s.

A dangerous question crept into my thinking: Are my standards for choosing my friends too high? Maybe people just aren’t as kind as I expect them to be.

Without realizing it, I started lowering my expectations. I held on to relationships even when something felt a little off, simply because I didn’t like letting people go.

But that’s where the real problem was. When I stopped trusting He would bring me quality friends, started creating my own standards, built on my own perceptions and strength.

The way we accept being treated shouldn’t be based on our standards. It’s based on God’s standards.

Scarcity thinking mutters, “There may not be anything better.”

But that’s a lie.

Paul reminds us in Philippians that God supplies all our needs—and that includes the people He places in our lives.

One day I finally asked myself where the confident woman I used to be had gone. In the quiet of prayer, God gently nudged my heart: Ask yourself when you stopped trusting Me.

That moment changed something.

My confidence was never meant to come from people behaving well. It was meant to come from knowing who I am in Christ.

So I began again.

This time I put loving boundaries in place and asked the Lord to guide my friendships. I started investing in people who were gracious, thoughtful, and sincere.

And something beautiful happened.

The more time I spent with kind people, the more kindness multiplied in my life. Now I’m often surprised—not only by the wonderful friendships God has brought into my life, but by how freely I’m able to give that same kindness back to others.

It reminds me of Proverbs 13:20:

“Whoever walks with the wise becomes wise.”

There is no scarcity of kindness in God’s kingdom. When we trust Him with the desires of our hearts, He faithfully brings the people we truly need.

So let me ask you something, friend:

How have you let God curate the relationships in your life?

Lord, You are amazing. I can’t count how many times You have carried me through this season. I’m so grateful, and yet I still wonder if I’m trusting You enough to let go of the friendships that You’ve told me aren’t healthy. Help me trust You, God, to bring in the kind ones and give me the strength to set Your standards for kindness among my friendships.