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Pride goes before destruction,
and a haughty spirit before the fall.
Proverbs 16:18 ESV

Pride, Loftiness, Egotism, Arrogance

These aren’t words typically associated with a grieving widow. A significant loss, such as the one we have all suffered, has a tendency to ground you and keep you from thinking too highly of yourself.

What about these words?

Self-importance, self-regard, self-absorption

Hmmm, these words are starting to hit a little too close to home.

Recently, I heard pride described as being obsessed with yourself. This obsession can take the form of thinking you are amazing and something more special than others. Okay, that makes sense to me. I feel like I’m pretty good at avoiding that trap. But then, it went on to say that pride can also be an obsession with how unhappy you are or how bad your life is. Ouch! Now we are getting a little too close for comfort.

As a widow I have been dealt a pretty hard blow in life. We all know losing your spouse is just hard. It doesn’t matter if you knew it was coming or if it happened unexpectedly. It still hurts whether you were married for a short time or lifetime. Widowhood is a hard lot in life. No one is going to fault me for having bad days or for being sad. In those early days, especially, it was hard to grasp that not everyone’s world had stopped like mine had. It was hard to understand that not everyone was thinking of John constantly or lamenting over what we lost every minute of the day. To say that I was self-absorbed is an understatement but, it’s perfectly normal and okay…for a season.

But if I am honest with myself, there came a time when normal grief turned into just plain wallowing. I reached a point when my misery had become an obsession. Some days the little extra attention I got for being down felt good to my lonely soul. There were times when the pity party was just easier than putting on my big girl pants. When obsessing over what I had lost was more comfortable than the hard work it took to move forward.

There is danger in this type of obsession, my friends. When we become self-absorbed with ourselves, whether it’s our greatness or our misery, we are being prideful and the Bible tells us that pride will lead to our destruction. But even more than that, Jesus tells us that He came so that we might have life and have it to the abundance (John 10:10). God doesn’t want us stuck in pain and hurt and grief. He wants to bestow on those that grieve a crown of beauty rather than ashes (Isaiah 61:2-3). So when I refuse to let go of the pain, I am basically saying to God, “I know better than you how to deal with this loss”.

Friends, we all grieve at a different pace. My journey is not going to be the same as yours. Some of you came to this realization quicker than I did, and others will need a whole lot more time than me. That’s okay. For me, it’s about letting God examine my heart. It’s asking Him if I am stuck in grief or if I what I’m feeling is a normal part of the healing journey.

Don’t fall into the trap of comparing where you are to my journey or anyone else’s.

But do remember this, Ecclesiastes 3:4 says, “There is a time to weep and a time to laugh; a time to mourn and a time to dance”.

Don’t miss out on your time to laugh and dance because it’s easier and more comfortable to weep and mourn.

When you’re ready, God will prompt your heart and you will know that it’s time. Don’t let the enemy steal, kill and destroy the things God so wants for you to know in Him. At the right time, take the step towards the joy He so abundantly bestows when we allow Him to do so.

Father God, help me know You more deeply during this season of grief. Lead me into joy like I have never known before. Keep me from the pride of seeing my life as worse than everyone else’s or sharing with others my constant state of being unhappy. You have come to give me LIFE — help me know when it is time for me to really live again in Your strength. Keep me from comparing my life with others and just focusing on the life You have given me. Amen