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“I didn’t know Daddy in Heaven very well, did I, Mommy?”

My son and I have had many conversations over the 12 years he’s lived without his dad. Recently, something triggered my memory, and I thought of a time he asked this question. That factual, straightforward question brought so many emotions. Though the words my five year old spoke were true, I wasn’t sure how to respond. It’s the only life he’s known, yet questions like this can shatter my heart into a million pieces all over again.

“You didn’t, buddy. You were just one-and-a-half years old when he went to Heaven. But he knew you well! You made him so happy, and he loved being your dad!” I said.

“One day we’ll see him again,” he knowingly replied.

Our son is now 13 years old, and there have been many more questions just like that one through the years that still reopen the ache of our loss. We talk about my late husband, Michael—his biological father—regularly. I’ve made it a point for him to feel like he knows his dad, even if all of his memories are ones I’ve given him. But questions like this can make it tough to continue stepping forward in joy after losing Michael. Thoughts of living in peace and freedom can be overshadowed with sorrow, doubt, unbelief, and fear, especially in those early months of grief. So much so that it seems impossible to step forward.

What stops us from stepping forward after loss and living out what the Lord wants for us?

We can’t see the good that can come from horrific circumstances.

We may see the good He brings from our circumstances on this earth, or we may not, but we can be confident of this: the Lord works all things for His purpose and our ultimate good.

What the Lord says …

“And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.”
Romans 8:28 (NIV)

We’re afraid of what might happen.

Our circumstances can make us fear the future, for ourselves and our children. But the Lord is sovereign and with us through it all. The verse below was a message from God to the exiles in Babylon, but I believe we can find hope here, too.

What the Lord says …

“’For I know the plans I have for you,’ declares the Lord, ‘Plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.’”
Jeremiah 29:11 (NIV)

Our emotions can become louder than the truth.

There are so many secondary losses when we lose our husbands. As we navigate widowhood, our circumstances may still be painful, but the Lord remains faithful. Let us focus on His goodness. I’ve learned that both gratitude and grief can coexist.

What the Lord says …

“Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable–if anything is excellent or praiseworthy–think about such things.”
Philippians 4:8 (NIV)

When we begin to question our circumstances and let worry and emotions take over, let us remember to bring our brokenness to Jesus. When we look to Scripture, we find His specialty is rescuing broken people and carrying out His divine purpose through them. He may not remove our struggles, but he meets us there. Stepping forward doesn’t mean forgetting where we’ve been or pretending the ache isn’t real; it means trusting the One who holds our future enough to take the next step.

“One day we’ll see him again.”

At five years old, my son reminded me of what I’ve known all along: Because there is hope in the Lord, we can take the next step.

Lord, our circumstances and daily struggles can bring doubt and fear. Fill us with peace and joy, and help us to have Your eternal perspective. Thank you for the hope, comfort, and strength Your Word brings every single day. Amen.