{{item.title | uppercase}}

“Be merciful to me, O God, be merciful to me!
For my soul trusts in You;
And in the shadow of Your wings I will make my refuge,
Until these calamities have passed by.”
Psalm 57:1 (NKJV)

Facing our fears

If I were honest, I would say I carry around a few great fears all the time…

• — my car breaking down in the middle of nowhere
• — a flat tire – anywhere

Two recent medical emergencies in our family instantly pushed aside the list above.

Our family would need two miracles.

My sweet, 87-year-old mother fell and broke her hip. As she began her recovery in rehab after surgery, we received word that our son, Brandon, had been taken by ambulance to a hospital in Missouri and placed on a respirator in ICU. They were not sure he would survive.

A little over seven years ago, my first conversation about these things would have been with my husband, and Brandon’s dad, Steve. I would have listened as he calmed my fears, then paid attention to the detailed plan which would have included making our way to Missouri.

No matter what any particular day holds in my life, there is never a moment I forget that Steve is not here with me.

But that day, as my panic grew, I was again reminded that I am alone with a major problem to figure out.

I had to get to Missouri.

The plan I was forced to make alone began to unravel pretty quickly.

Finding a GPS route on my phone, I headed out with an ETA of 7:00 p.m. — eleven hours after leaving my home in Texas.

When my son, Ryan, called to check my progress, I didn’t mention that just inside Oklahoma, and after a restroom break, I actually got turned around and headed back towards home costing me about an hour.

Resuming travel, now headed in the right direction, I heard a loud popping sound with my car feeling like I had taken a turn down a rough and rocky road.

Though my former list of things to be afraid of had been put aside with more urgent ones, I instantly realized that fears #1 and #2 had come to pass —

A blowout in the middle of nowhere!

White knuckles gripping the wheel, I instantly felt myself panic as my breathing became great gulps, as I struggled for air. I reminded myself that paper sacks were needed to save yourself from hyperventilating and forced myself to calm down.

But in the middle of my panic, God was busy helping me ‘get found’. I can promise you I was the greatest challenge for the four men asking for my location that day.

Sometimes, the things we THINK are our greatest fears can suddenly become unworthy of that fear.

Miraculously, Brandon began to improve.

For my mother, her body and mind did not heal.

Fear began to creep in as that realization came to our family — fear far greater than flat tires.

How could I face grief again? Go back to those early days after losing Steve in 2016 when I could not find my footing. I had leaned so heavily on my mother and her strong faith in the Lord.

“Whenever I am afraid, I will trust in You.”
Psalm 56:3 (NKJV)

We cried out to the Lord for miracles.

For Brandon — a wife and two young daughters who needed him so much.

Brandon’s miracle — the day approached when it became urgent to get him off the respirator. Our prayer request went out. Those damaged lungs began to work, and we praised the Lord for Brandon’s miracle.

And for my mother — as a family, we came together in agreement asking the Lord for His mercy and her miracle.

“Your perfect will be done, Father,” is hard one to pray sometimes, but with His will comes His perfect peace. Though hearts can be broken here for a little while, His grace continues to be sufficient, and His promises are always kept…

“For He Himself has said, “I will never leave you nor forsake you.”
Hebrews 13:5b (NKJV)

My sweet sisters, as we walk this journey, I wish we could know that never again would we feel such a loss as we have in saying goodbye to our husbands. But life does not give us that promise. My mother has seen Jesus face-to-face. Though once again my heart feels shattered, there is a truth I have learned in this journey of widowhood…

The Lord Jesus carried us through those days after losing our husbands,

and He carries us still today.

We can trust that we will never face our greatest fears alone.

“God is my strength and power,
And He makes my way perfect.”
2 Samuel 22:33 (NKJV)

Heavenly Father, please help us to remember there is nothing we face alone. We thank you for answers to our prayers and the strength and grace You provide in our need. Help us to trust you in all things. Amen