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For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.
Jeremiah 29:11 (NIV)

Plans. Our lives are filled with them.

As kids we made plans to play with our friends after school; as teens our days were filled with plans to attend a football game or meet friends at the local hangout. As we moved into high school our plans included homecoming dances, prom, graduation, and making plans for our future. For some that meant college, for others, it meant entering the workforce. For me, it was getting married and having children. As adults, our lives are jam-packed with plans; plans for vacations, holidays, careers, financial stability, and retirement.

One thing we never planned for was being a widow!

In my husband’s family, it was not uncommon to live well into your eighties or nineties. As a result, I had a hard time understanding why God chose such a tragic plan for our lives when my husband passed away at 57 years old.

God’s plan didn’t make sense.

After being carried into exile from Jerusalem to Babylon by King Nebuchadnezzar, the Israelites struggled with God’s plan for them, too. Through the prophet, Jeremiah, God gave unexpected instructions to the nation of Israel. They were to

“build houses and settle down; plant gardens and eat what they produce. Marry and have sons and daughters; find wives for their sons and give their daughters in marriage, so that they too may have sons and daughters. Increase in number; do not decrease.”
Jeremiah 29:5-6 (NIV)

God’s message wasn’t what they were hoping for.

God continued by telling them they would remain in exile, for 70 years. How confused and dismayed they must have been. Had God abandoned them?

In our key verse, the Israelites are assured by God that He hadn’t forgotten His plan to return them to the land they had been carried into exile from. All of His plans were good and included hope and a future.

He wanted them to thrive not just survive.

The hardship of exile would not be forever, but in the meantime, the Lord encouraged them to continue living just as they had done in Jerusalem.

In the same way, as widows, we find ourselves in foreign and uncomfortable circumstances that we didn’t choose. It may not have been our plan but it is God’s plan. And I know that’s hard to accept but just as God encouraged those whom He loved that He would rebuild them and they would once again dance with joy, I believe He will do the same for us! (Jeremiah 31:4)

How do we get there? How does grief turn to joy?

The hardest step in moving toward joy is accepting where we have been “exiled”. We will remain stuck in grief until we take this step. It is okay not to like God’s plan, but it is imperative for us to accept that it is His plan. In this life, nothing will bring our husbands back and it’s okay to grieve, but we eventually need to start living again.

If you are having trouble accepting your husband’s death, I graciously suggest talking to your pastor or a grief counselor. Grief is a heavy load and there is no shame in seeking help to manage your pain.

Strive to thrive not just survive!

Next, we need to take small steps to begin to live again. You could consider volunteering at your church, local hospital, or nursing home. Ask a friend to lunch or a movie, start a new hobby, or join a book club. Whatever it looks like for you, just take that small step!

Next, we need to trust in God and His promises to us. God not only assured them that He didn’t forget His promises but, in addition, He promised that He would turn their mourning into gladness.; comfort and joy instead of sorrow. (Jeremiah 31:13) Those are promises we can hold onto as well.

Last, because we are forgetful people, we can’t neglect our time with God in prayer and His word. It is there we will find a light for this dark path (Psalm 119:105), rest when we are weary (Matt 11:28), and joy in His presence (Psalm 16:11)

Don’t be surprised if one day you find yourself dancing with joy!

Father, I thank You that Your plans are to prosper us, not to harm us; to give us hope and a future. Strengthen us to trust You and to seek You with all our hearts. I pray peace and comfort for my sisters who are questioning Your plan. Guide them to a life of joy again.