{{item.title | uppercase}}

“So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen, since what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal.”
2 Corinthians 4:18 (NIV)

Grief Makes Everything Look Different

One of the most profound things that struck me after my husband died was that he didn’t have his phone anymore. A silly thought, probably, but he was constantly on his phone. He conducted business all hours of the day – phone calls, texts, and e-mails. He was in constant contact with co-workers, business partners, employees, and more.

He made time for our family, too, but that phone was constant in our lives – a symbol of hard work and provision.

After he passed, it was a brick with no purpose. It became physical evidence of our temporary existence here on earth. It was a stark reminder that this is not our home, and Ryan doesn’t need his phone in Heaven.

The phone wasn’t the only thing that had changed. My children and I began to see everything differently. They had experienced loss at ages when their peers had not, and all of us became more aware of what truly mattered. We grew closer and became more resourceful and flexible.

I told a friend one time that I was “high-maintenance,” and she replied, “I don’t see that at all.” I didn’t meet her until several years after Ryan had passed. It wasn’t until that conversation that I realized how much grief had changed me. And that realization scared me. What else about me had changed? Was it okay that I wasn’t the same person I had been before Ryan died?

In the days after that conversation, I prayed about that because it was scary to think I wasn’t the same person. I guess it’s good not to be high-maintenance anymore, but what else had changed? And was that ok?

Shifting My Focus

During one morning’s quiet time, God led me to 2 Corinthians 4:18 (NIV),

“So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen, since what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal.”

God showed me that after Ryan’s death, my vision changed. Like his phone now being a brick, I understood that what is seen is temporary. And anyone facing their own mortality or the mortality of a loved one wrestles with the concept of eternity. If this world is temporary and fragile, there must be something else!

Grief can leave us angry with God. Some people pull away from Him because the pain and unanswered questions feel overwhelming. Several of my own family members were very angry at God. And it is understandable. He didn’t spare Ryan from death. He allowed our earthly provider and protector, someone who seemed invincible, to perish.

Maybe you, dear reader, also feel that way in your journey. You can be angry with God. But, if you are, tell Him. Bring Him the questions, hurt, and disappointment instead of running away from Him. He is BIG. He can handle your anger. He wants you to come to Him. He can change your focus from what is seen to what is unseen, and therefore, eternal.

Continually Changed by Jesus

Another part of 2 Corinthians 4 struck me as I explored how and why I had changed. In this letter, Paul describes our earthly bodies as fragile and breakable, but inside, we hold the joy and truth of Jesus – the treasure in jars of clay. In verses 10-12 (NIV), Paul writes,

“We always carry around in our body the death of Jesus, so that the life of Jesus may also be revealed in our body. For we who are alive are always being given over to death for Jesus’ sake, so that his life may also be revealed in our mortal body. So then, death is at work in us, but life is at work in you.”

Paul was talking about the hardships, persecutions, and suffering he and his traveling companions faced because of their love for Jesus. They accepted the death of their earthly desires and comforts, and even faced their own deaths. Death was at work in them. But life was at work in those around them.

Death is at work in me, too. The death of my husband has brought suffering and hardships, but also, I choose to let the death of Jesus change me inside and out. I choose to surrender my desires and plans to Jesus so that His work in my life can be seen. That death of Self then allows life – God’s light and truth – to work in others around me.

It’s Ok That I Have Changed

So, yes, I have changed – and I no longer have to be afraid of that change. I now understand that walking with Jesus through the death of my husband has changed my perspective, what I value, and how I live. God is using those changes to bring His light and truth to others.

Ryan’s phone still reminds me that so much of what we consider important is temporary. What mattered so much in this life was left behind in an instant. Now, when I think of that phone, I remember to hold this temporary life more loosely and fix my eyes on what is eternal.

Dear Heavenly Father,

Help us to remember that You love us beyond our comprehension. Help us to keep our focus on things that are eternal. Comfort us in our grief and let us comfort others with the love You have given us. In Jesus’ name, Amen.