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Gina joins us today to share her story. She has attended several of our conferences and also served our widows attending through massage and relaxation techniques. Gina was widowed many years ago but by keeping herself busy and filling her life with activities, she wasn’t able to fully process her grief in a healthy way. Read her story on how she began to heal. Find more information about our upcoming conferences here.

I had prayed through tears every night for God to provide me with a good man who could be a husband and love my two young sons as if they were of his flesh. God in His never-failing love for me brought Pete into our lives, exceeding everything I had prayed for in a life partner. Pete was warm, had a sense of humor that could find the laughter in even the most difficult of times, and was protective of his ready-made family at a moment’s notice. He had the heart of a champion when it came to his family.

Even though it’s been several years since Pete was promoted to Heaven, I still remember my beloved’s last days here. Along with work, maintaining a home, and raising kids, there were so many appointments, treatments, and medications to manage. Cancer requires so much that it reminds me of static in the background of everyday life. A constant mental “noise” not unlike static on a radio playing your favorite song. I just wanted to enjoy the beautiful music while I did the daily activities of work, young kids, school, and laundry. More so when you add the word “terminal” to illness. Keep busy and I can ignore the “static”, I told myself. As his health declined, he became more concerned about me and the boys, and we had incredibly difficult conversations about what he wanted for us after he was gone. He needed to know we would be okay.

And then he was gone.

The overwhelming silence was soul crushing. Days that had once been centered around appointments and treatments began to blend one into another with no beginning and no end.

I took a year off work and spent time with my kids. When they were at school it was too quiet. Eventually I decided to go to school and get back to work. In an effort to distract myself from the grief, I joined a bowling league with my friends. Later, I would volunteer for anything and everything in an attempt to fill up my days to avoid the grief.

I had been to counseling over the years but knew that I needed something more to help me heal and move forward. I was referred to GriefShare and realized that the difficulties that I had been trying to ignore and move past were normal for widows. It helped me realize that there were other women who had been through similar experiences and that God saw us in our grief. He loved us and knew what we needed even before we lost our husbands. He would always be there to comfort and encourage us as we walk this difficult path. While I would never wish this loss on anyone, it is comforting to know that there are others who have walked this walk before me and more women who are newly widowed behind me. In my attempt to help a friend who had recently lost her husband, I encouraged her to attend the AWM HOPE™ conference with me. I had no idea that after twenty years of widowhood it would also help me. I was finally in a place where I was encouraged to acknowledge the immensity of the loss of my beloved Pete and to be able to recognize and confront all the emotions that come with such a loss. It is the most perfect example of God’s love and provision for me.

What a difference it made for me, twenty years after my husband’s passing, to realize the devastation that came from such a significant loss and to begin to do the work that I needed to heal from my grief instead of hiding it away. I had created a life that was so busy that it did not allow me to focus on the area of MY life that needed the most work. I needed a break, in a quiet place, to get some rest.

“Then because so many people were coming and going that they did not even have a chance to eat, he said to them, “Come with me by yourselves to a quiet place and get some rest.”
Mark 6:31 (NIV)

AWM HOPE™ Conferences meet annually in Denton, Texas. Click here for more information.

If you are interested in finding a GriefShare group in your area, click the link here.