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As He passed by, He saw a man blind from birth. And His disciples asked Him, “Rabbi, who sinned, this man or his parents, that he would be born blind?” Jesus answered, “It was neither that this man sinned, nor his parents; but it was so that the works of God might be displayed in him.
John 9:1-3 ESV

The man answered and said to them, “Well, here is an amazing thing that you do not know where He is from, and yet He opened my eyes. We know that God does not hear sinners; but if anyone is God-fearing and does His will, He hears him. Since the beginning of time it has never been heard that anyone opened the eyes of a person born blind. If this man were not from God, He could do nothing.”
John 9:30-33 ESV

Has this ever happened to you?

The other night, I went to dinner with some of my widow friends. We got to talking about the way people react to us, what they expect from us as widows.

My friend Angie told a story about seeing a woman she had not seen in a while. This woman exhibited classic pity for Angie and her kids at their situation…and was almost offended when Angie was not as sad as she was.

I guess it is understandable. She walks on the path of grief, by choice, a few times a year. We live here, day in and day out, not by choice.

We have a completely different perspective.

Instead of accumulating our days in the arena, battling grief one at a time, over a long period of time, we accumulate them day in, day out, and month upon month. It is bound to take us to a different place than those around us. They punch out of the time clock for periods of time. We never do.

And in so doing, we progress. We have to.

The problem is when the world around us expects us to punch their clock with them, to step back to the time of grief where they are, instead of speeding up with us. Since they do not live with the grief daily, they don’t progress as we do.

And it is often awkward, uncomfortable, and even stressful, to be near them.

I bet it was so for this blind man in Jesus’ day as well.

Everyone who saw him immediately went to a place of pain and ugliness, thinking he had sinned to be in that condition, or his parents had, for him to be facing the world blind.

But Jesus came…and told him and all those around him that he was blind in order to show God’s might.

And right away, this recently-healed man had the opportunity to witness to everyone including the Pharisees!

I think that is the way we need to look at the situation with those who pull us back into the pit, who expect us to take a step back in our progress in order to satisfy their need to give us pity.

We need to carefully, lovingly educate them on grief.

In a culture largely uneducated about grief and its workings, I think we have to expect that people will not understand how we live…how we can progress past the pity to joy and a full life again. We, as a culture, are too tied up in life here on earth, and are often not looking beyond to life in Heaven.

But we have this opportunity, as the healed-blind man did, to point others to the Author of our healing and to His plan for our life…and our death. And this can be accomplished in a few easy steps.

• Give them grace when they don’t get it. They can’t possibly know how you feel. They have not been there. But that doesn’t mean they aren’t trying.
• Realize that there is a God-given opportunity here. All of us face grief at some times in our lives; perhaps you can give them a gift in the form of education that can help them deal with their own grief better when the time comes.
• Patiently, lovingly, lead them to understand grief better. I know it is often difficult to talk about the journey we are on…but if the Lord desires it, He will give you the strength to get through it, and the words to say.

I pray we will all have the strength to deal with these situations as God would have us for His greater glory.

Dear Father, this journey is often hard enough without odd encounters and people who would pull us back. Please give us strength to deal with all of those who we meet and must tell of our life story with grace and love. Help us to help them when You desire it, but not be pulled back into the pit of grief. Thank You for loving us, and pulling us from the place of pity. In Jesus’ name, Amen.