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… For we do not know what to pray for as we ought, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us with groanings too deep for words.
Romans 8:26 (ESV)

Widowhood has taught me one thing for sure: there is so much I do not know about life. And living. Parenting. God. Myself.

For example, I did not know before widowhood what I was actually capable of. I was never the driver in the family – I was the napper! I was very content snuggling up in the front seat while my husband drove us on vacation. But after widowhood, I took our kids across half the USA and did the driving myself. Now, we did stop each day around 2 or 3 o’clock because I knew my limits! But I did it!

I didn’t know trusting God in the deepest sense I learned after widowhood and beyond.

I struggled trying to understand the sovereignty of God. I wrestled with it. Some days I hated when I heard someone say, God has a plan... Like a toddler throwing a tantrum in the check-out line at the store, I wanted what I wanted when I wanted it.I didn’t like His plan. After months of pushing against my Heavenly Father, I began to lean into Him instead. That deliberate act on my part started a change in my spiritual health.

One of the areas I struggled with (and honestly still struggle with) is prayer. Can you relate? I don’t know how to pray in certain situations. Praying for someone’s house to sell while mine sat on the market for two-and-a-half years. Perhaps praying for healing when my husband wasn’t given that gift. Maybe praying for a child when we have one struggling with their mental health. I don’t know what to pray as I ought, as we see in the verse above.

But what amazing comfort we receive when we realize the Spirit of God is interceding on our behalf. He takes our prayers and makes them something God understands and responds to.

The Amplified Version says it this way:

So too the [Holy] Spirit comes to our aid and bears us up in our weakness; for we do not know what prayer to offer nor how to offer it worthily as we ought, but the Spirit Himself goes to meet our supplication and pleads in our behalf with unspeakable yearnings and groanings too deep for utterance.

The Apostle Paul points out in the passage, we do not know how to pray as we should. During intense grief, it can seem most difficult to pray. Praying in public? I definitely couldn’t pray aloud at church or with friends over lunch. I was unable to even put the words together in a sentence I could understand.

But here’s the good news!

The Spirit takes what we don’t know and makes it known to God. Sometimes it helps to begin our prayers by confessing we don’t feel like praying-and ask God to help us with our desires. We may feel helpless in our praying. But that makes us even more qualified because we understand the Holy Spirit’s role in prayer!

The very thing that most qualifies us to pray is our helplessness. ~Dr. David Jeremiah

Practically, it might help to write out your prayers in your journal so you feel like they make more sense.

Or keep bullet points of prayer requests so you don’t forget as easily.

One idea is to use your fingers as reminders of what to pray about – thumb represents praying for those closest to us, pointer finger for those who “point” the way or lead us, middle finger or tall finger reminds us to pray for those in authority, ring finger tells us to pray for those who are sick or weak, and pinkie finger reminds us to pray for our own needs/desires.

Another way to pray is through the alphabet – when you are lying in bed and can’t fall asleep, my grandmother often told me she did this – pray for a person for each letter of the alphabet. You can adapt how you want – letters can stand for a position or actual names or labels. Whatever works for you.

The goal is to pray. And know that the Holy Spirt works through our weakness in praying to make it a sweet offering to the Lord.

Take a few moments right now to pray.

Decide how you want to do it and just quietly or out loud, talk to God. If I were using my fingers it might look like this:

Lord Jesus, I pray for those closest to me. I pray for my adult children and their spouses. Also I pray for those children still living at home. I pray they will all seek the Lord with their whole hearts.

I pray for those in my life who point the way to Christ. My pastors and teachers, I pray they have boldness to preach the gospel. I pray for the ones running for state and national offices in the next few months. We pray for the ones of Your choosing to be elected.

Next I am praying for my friends and family who have cancer. I pray they have supernatural strength to make it through treatments and appointments.

Last I pray for myself – I pray I can get help figuring out what’s wrong with my car and that You will provide honest people to do the repairs. Amen