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For the revelation awaits an appointed time;
it speaks of the end
and will not prove false.
Though it linger, wait for it;
it will certainly come
and will not delay.
Habakkuk 2:3 (NIV)
Habakkuk 2:3 (NIV)

“Pauses serve a purpose”.

That message seemed to JUMP out at me as I found myself sitting in the middle of a gigantic ‘PAUSE’ that threatened to shut down an exciting journey I was on.

We hear about Bucket Lists. If you are like me, prone to taking the cautious route in life, you probably don’t have many things on your list either. I had ONE. Now, I have many on my Bucket List for Heaven, things I plan to do when I am courageous, with no fear. I will ride the horse like I would love to do now…BUT my fear completely overrides the desire.

Or I will push past my fundamental Baptist upbringing, where you made no movement whatsoever to the music, and I will dance like David on the streets of Heaven.

But the urge to run away became so strong recently that I decided to do just that — AND at the same time accomplish EVERYTHING on my BUCKET LIST FOR EARTH!

I traveled to Williamstown, Kentucky, to see the Ark Encounter – alone.

Now, here is an important note to each of us…

Pause does not mean the end!

The ‘PAUSE’ I encountered on my trip happened in Jackson, Tennessee, when I realized I had put regular gasoline in Steve’s beautiful, black DIESEL truck!

In Texas, a green handle means DIESEL – but NOT in Tennessee. The lesson I learned: You cannot always trust a green handle!

Instantly, I got sick to my stomach. I knew how bad it was to put the wrong fuel in a vehicle.

I went to the nearest Firestone station. As I began to tell my story to the very busy man behind the counter, he said, “You have destroyed the engine!” My next question came out as a whisper, “What do I do?” Again, he just repeated, “You have destroyed the engine!”

I believe we all need to wear a label that says, “You are talking to a widow, proceed with caution!”

And the world of ‘PAUSE’ came crashing down.

Could it be said that our lives have been placed on ‘PAUSE in this season of widowhood?

Are we simply surviving between the dash [ – ] from the day our husbands left this earth until the time we do, or the Lord comes back for us?

Widowhood looks and feels different to each of us, but I don’t think I would describe this ‘PAUSE’ as a totally great one all the time.

The realities of widowhood, in the ‘PAUSE’ of our lives, are so difficult and full of emotions.

There was another time in history when the world found itself in that place of ‘PAUSE’.

Jesus Foretells His Death and Resurrection

From that time Jesus began to show his disciples that he must go to Jerusalem and suffer many things from the elders and chief priests and scribes, and be killed, and on the third day be raised.
Matthew 16:21 (ESV)

The disciples had followed Jesus, had seen the miracles He performed, listened to His teachings, and they still lost hope in the ‘PAUSE’ that came after His crucifixion.

All hope lost. Fear took over, and they hid from the Romans.

What did they do in the ‘PAUSE’ they found themselves in?

Jesus had told them all that would happen. “On the third day, I will be raised.”

Were they marking and counting the days on their walls back where they gathered? Did they plan on gathering at the tomb on that third day to see if Jesus would keep His promise?

Even the women who went to the tomb took spices and fragrant oils to prepare His body!

Even though they walked with Jesus Christ, the Son of God, they lost hope in the ‘PAUSE.’

Have we done the same?

Ride with me home…

As I continued my last leg of the journey home that day, and after crying many tears over my mistake, I whispered, “Steve, please ride with me home.”

It is times like these that are so hard in this ‘PAUSE’ – as we wait to be reunited with our husbands and those who have gone Home before us.

I desperately needed to lean on Steve in that truck, gladly giving the driving reins over to him.

As I began to drive in the rain, I felt a presence with me in that truck. A calmness began to fill my heart – a peace I had not felt since realizing my terrible mistake.

For your Maker is your husband—
the Lord Almighty is His name—
the Holy One of Israel is your Redeemer;
He is called the God of all the earth.
Isaiah 54:5 (NIV)

I looked over at that passenger seat that morning and thought,

“I believe both of you are with me right now. Lord, thank you for sending me to the right people who could help me and for showing compassion to a ‘teetering-on-the-edge’ female, and for letting Steve ride with us today.”

I may not always be able to trust that green nozzles are always the ones with the diesel gas, but I can always trust that I am not without a Husband in this season of ‘PAUSE’.

Father God, help us to always trust You even in the seasons of ‘PAUSE’ in our lives. It is in the ‘PAUSE’ great miracles, and Your promises are fulfilled. Amen