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Thanksgiving was hard… I still remember my husband’s last Thanksgiving and how he made the dressing for the first time. I also remember the pile of 18 egg shells that were left and how much dressing he made. But as usual and not because I was prejudice, it was amazing. So yes, the memories of Thanksgiving and getting through it was tough.

Now Christmas, Christmas is another story.

I love Christmas. I still love Christmas because of what we are celebrating but the memories just about suck the air out of my lungs.

I remember our first Christmas together and the amazing tree that I found on clearance and the horrible musty smell it had….I remember us opening presents in my pajamas before heading to church since Christmas was on a Sunday and the mounds of gifts Charles had got me.

Every year we always had a budget, most years a really tiny budget that we put ourselves on for the gifts we were to get each other. And every year…every year… I stuck to the budget and Charles never did.

Christmas… A beautiful season yet the traditions I worked to establish seemed to have no meaning. Decorating had no joy. Parties had no purpose. And once again having to make myself “move on” just seemed to make Charles’ absence so much more permanent and deep in my heart… Into depths I have tried so hard to stop.

But…. I pressed on and through that as I have put one step in front of the other I made myself listen to Christmas music, attended work and church parties etc… New memories were made and the joy of the season seemed to be slowly trickling back through the cracks that were once dark and cold and empty.

But if Christmas wasn’t enough, all the green and red is being put up and being replaced by pink and red hearts everywhere and a vivid and constant reminder of all that we have lost and what is no more.

Valentine’s Day.

I know that I am not alone and that Valentine’s Day will be hard for most, if not all of us. The memories of the past can easily suffocate us and the temptation is to get in bed, cover up with a blanket and just not get out of bed until it is all over.

But the reality is that though our loved ones have gone ahead of us, we are still here and we need to live life. Though we have lost the “love of our lives” we also have a lot of love to celebrate. We have the love of our children, family and friends to celebrate, remember and be thankful for. And most of all we have much to celebrate because of Jesus Christ. We know what love is, because He is love, He loved us first. He loves us so much He gave himself up for us so that we might know Him.

What joy there is every single day and especially during these difficult seasons because of Jesus and the hope we have in Him, eternal life and a place called heaven that is now more real to us than ever before.

So come along with me, put one foot in front of the other step by step, throw back the covers and be excited about a celebration of love. Our blessings abound and so much because of love. So many that have loved us well on this difficult journey we have found ourselves in. Find new traditions, make those we love feel special, do fun activities with our children and grandchildren to make Valentine’s something to look forward to and eat some chocolate covered strawberries, just because they are good. And let God continue to bring light to the dark, cold and empty places of our hearts as only He can.

Let God continue to bring light even on the difficult days, even on the days we never think we will survive, even on Valentine’s Day.

“We love because He first loved us.”
1 John 4:19

“In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God. In him was life, and the life was the light of men. The light shines in the darkness, and the darkness has not overcome it.”
John 1:1‭, ‬4‭-‬5 ESV