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Numerous times a day I glance at the photo. And numerous times a day I’m reminded of the laughter and joy I felt at that moment. We had some good times. This photo is of my late husband and me. We were laughing, probably because he was on his tip toes, trying to look much taller than he was.

I have moved to a new home since he passed away so I carefully chose which photos I kept framed on a shelf or table. I chose my very favorite photos of us – and each photo has a story behind it.

Saying I haven’t had laughs since windowhood would not be entirely true. I have been joyful…It’s just different now. Do you understand that feeling?

Now, when I see myself in photos, I see something missing in my eyes that was in so many photos for the first season of life.

Those eyes.

I began to drift off in thought about those eyes in the photo.

They had never cried as they did when removing the machines keeping Mark alive.

Those eyes never had to watch death come over a person.

They never looked at her own six fatherless children.

Those eyes had never seen her own name on a headstone.

They were still madly in love with her man.

Those eyes believed life was more of a recipe than it turned out to be.

They saw a future that included grand-parenting together and retirement.

Those eyes.

But now.

Now my eyes have seen God take care of us in huge ways.

These eyes still cry in ways I never did before, often during worship.

They see a future empty nest with trepidation, but knowing God is going before me.

My eyes are trying to focus, through the tears, on the One who promises to be the Father to the fatherless and the Defender of widows (Psalm 68:5).

The eyes truly are the window to the soul.

In the book of Deuteronomy, God reminded the Israelites often to remember what their eyes had seen (1:30, 3:21, 4:3, 4:9, 4:34, 6:22, 7:19, 10:21, 11:7, 29:2). When I pass by that photo, I see those eyes that knew love from another, but in current photos I see eyes that know the love of God like never before.

I can see years of God’s faithfulness and care that only a widow knows.

Like the Psalmist, I ask God to “light up my eyes” again (13:3), so I can exhibit the joy through my eyes unlike what I ever exhibited before. I desire my eyes to be “ever on the Lord” (25:15) so my joy is evident to all, clearly the Lord’s doing (118:23)!

What have your eyes seen? Have you come to the place where your eyes reflect God’s love for you radiating out to others?

We can either focus on the loss those eyes have seen OR we can focus on the blessings these eyes have seen. Just as the Israelites were instructed to remember what their eyes had seen in their wilderness living, we can also be reminded of all the ways God took care of us during our “wilderness” time.

Loving Father, we are so blessed by knowing You in a deeper more intimate way since our widowhood journey began. We want to radiate Your love to those around us through our eyes that are focused on You. When we inadvertently take our focus from You and Your care for us, draw us gently back. Amen