Today a vital piece of our body is continually being pushed to the side. We need to work together to recover what has been lost. Widows are frequently seen only through the lens of someone who needs help and is a drain on the body. With proper care during the initial stages of grief a widow can become a tremendous asset to your church body. Here are some helpful suggestions based on our experiences:

During the initial stages of grief:

Oversee their care for the first two years.

It’s easy for widows to get forgotten after the first couple of months of their journey. Put a process in place to oversee their care. Just a few simple touch points can make all the difference in seeing the church as being there for them. Here are some things to consider:

• Make sure you have a well defined process for funerals. Our church had developed a relationship with a local funeral home that resulted in saving members of our church thousands of dollars in funeral expenses. In addition, we were able to provide in house services for programs/slide shows/music/memorial display tables/food etc. that were a tremendous blessing and cost saving. The key is everyone needs to be well-trained and responsive when needed.
• Set up a meal train to cover the friends and family the week of the funeral but also include a couple of months of meals to provide meals for the widow (and any immediate family). Unfortunately, people are often willing to provide meals for families but hesitate to provide a meal for just one person. A widow who is living on her own usually struggles with cooking for one and eating alone. Please take into consideration how meaningful it can be if you either offer to bring dinner for both of you or invite them to your home. Public outings can be very difficult at first.
• Help them understand what they can expect. One very helpful tool is the “Journey through Grief” books. It is a series of four books to be sent at various time intervals during the first year. Author Kenneth C. Haugk (founder of Stephen Ministries) writes in a warm, caring style, with short, easy-to-read chapters. He walks alongside the reader through the grief journey, sharing helpful insights about grief, biblical truths, and stories that provide comfort and reassurance.
• Touch base with them periodically (maybe once a quarter) to see how things are going. Take them to lunch/coffee, just make sure you give them time to talk.
• Make sure they are covered for the holidays and special days. When a Pastor sends a quick text that he is praying on critical dates, holidays & birthdays it can make such a difference. Some Pastors have even hand delivered flowers to each of the widows in the church on Valentine’s Day.
• Find out if there are immediate financial needs. About a month into the widow’s journey ask how they are doing financially. Widows appreciate having a safe place to talk about money. It can be overwhelming to process all the financial changes and family and friends sometimes are not the right people to talk too.
• Make sure they are seeing someone to talk about their grief on a regular basis. Everyone is different, some prefer to be in a group setting and Griefshare is a great program for them. Others may need more of an individual source to go to like a Stephen Minister or a professional counselor. The important thing is they need someone who can walk alongside them those first few months or so.
• Help connect them with resources within the church who want to minister using their talents. Find out what the widow is struggling with and ask people to help out - Men who can work in groups to do household repairs, moving, computer support, Christmas lights, etc. Men/Women who are willing to help disciple children, Financial experts who are willing to provide information and resources who are not trying to engage them as a client, etc.

As they begin to heal:

Look for ways to affirm their purpose in Glorifying God.

Widows are often an overlooked resource in our churches. The stories they have to share of God’s faithfulness in their lives can strengthen the faith of others. Look for ways you can engage them with others. Here are some ideas:

• Encourage them to attend a local widow’s group and share their stories
• Consider having your church host a local widows group
• Encourage them to speak to various groups within the church: Men’s groups, Women’s groups, Community groups, Youth groups,Care groups, Financial Peace groups, Mission groups (who may encounter widows on the mission field), a group of local pastors, the church staff or even the whole congregation.
• If you have a newsletter or a website, provide them an opportunity to share written stories of what God has done in their lives
• If they don’t feel confident in sharing their story in either a verbal or written format look for skilled people who could coach them in how to present their stories
• Look for opportunities or advocate for them to speak at a community event
• Sponsor them to become a trained Stephen minister or a counselor
• Publicly celebrate when you hear or see they have helped someone else
• Give them an opportunity to publicly worship with others through song or prayer.
• Encourage them to take on a leadership role if they are able.
• Include them in a core prayer group for the church.

It takes prayer, thought, time, and tons of encouragement to reap the benefits widows have to offer but imagine what a difference it could make in their life and in yours! All for His Glory!