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Summer is here, and the climate in Texas provides opportunities to savor the sunshine of the day and enjoy the creation surrounding me. Since I lost my husband Bill, I have found life often feels more like a song in a minor key than the kind of melody I wish I were living. The notes that once created my personal rhythm and music for living daily life have become harmonies that do not fit or seem connected to the plans for life I once knew.

Past summer months were full of joy. The activities brought swimming and a refreshing break. More recently, however, summer has been filled with an ache and longing for something more. Consequently, the hardship and suffering I experienced through grief caused me to lose hope and direction at times. Along this journey through loss, I have found there are times when things don’t quite make sense.

As I searched Scripture for direction, I recognized that the world is somehow crooked and cannot carry the weight of my desires. Ultimately, this world is not my home, nor did God intend it to be. As a result, I have become weary, longing for somewhere better and something more.

I have seen things that are done under the sun,
and behold all is vanity, and a striving after wind.
What is crooked cannot be made straight,
and what is lacking cannot be counted.
Ecclesiastes 1:14-15 (ESV)

In Ecclesiastes, the preacher repeats his conclusion that life is filled with vanity. Likewise, life under the sun feels out of tune, and knowing that life is vanity complicates my purposeful melody. Chords and patterns that fill my life now seem confused and create a disconnected tune for me. As a result, I crave harmony and instead find confusion, contradiction, and pain. It is as though I now live in a modern symphony where the tension of the notes won’t resolve itself.

Yet even as I recognized the brokenness of life under the sun, I still wrestled with finding contentment. And since contentment can seem elusive to me, I become restless and often wonder whether God knows or recognizes what the new tune He created for my life sounds like.

The world cannot bear the weight of my deepest needs and desires. It is too broken for that, and so am I.

Therefore, only the Lord could provide the answers that I was seeking.

For everything there is a season,
and a time for every matter under heaven.
A time to be born, and a time to die…
a time to weep, and a time to laugh;
a time to mourn, and a time to dance;
Ecclesiastes 3:1-2,4 (ESV)

I have had days filled with tears or disappointment. As I lived out God’s plan for me, contentment was what I longed for but found difficult to define. Contentment is not loud or frantic, nor does it scramble for the next thing. Grace shapes it into something calm and steady. Therefore, I needed God’s word to fill my mind and His truth to help me find contentment each day after the loss of my husband.

I have seen the business that God has given to the children of man to be busy with. He has made everything beautiful in its time.
Ecclesiastes 3:10-11a(ESV)

God has made everything beautiful in its time. Those words have provided the hope I needed to wait for God’s timing. However, Ecclesiastes did not answer all my questions. But Philippians is where I found the added hope I needed as I wait on the Lord. No matter my circumstances, whether I have little or much, I can endure any struggle with contentment because my hope rests in the God who never changes and remains faithful. We as believers wait and rely on His strength.

For I have learned in whatever situation, I am to be content…I can do all things through Him who strengthens me.
Philippians 4:11,13 (ESV)

I can wait with hope. As I enjoy the small gifts of life and long for what is to come, the simple melody God gives me lifts and lightens my heart. I can wait and lean into the Lord with anticipation for a day when praise-filled notes and chords will once again be in full harmony. I trust the composer and His promises of a future home with Him.

Lord,

We come to You seeking contentment and harmony in our daily living. Provide us hope and wisdom to navigate and recognize the way You provide and direct us. Thank you for Your promises and Your word to give us truth.

In Jesus Name, Amen.