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The Healing of Letting Go

It’s time to let go. Let go and move on. You have to let go of the past to move forward. How often have you heard this or something similar from a well-meaning friend when expressing sadness or grief over the death of your husband? Or perhaps you’ve read devotionals or articles explaining the power of lettting go, only to find them rubbing you the wrong way?

People go through many experiences that require them to “let go” to heal. Hurt, anger, disappointment, bitterness, resentment, betrayal—these emotions can hold us back and weigh us down for years. However, losing a spouse and the grief that accompanies it is a different kind of journey. The process of letting go in this context is so very different.

For me, it hasn’t been so much about letting go of the past, the memories, or the love. Instead, it’s been about letting go of the future and the vision I had of it with him in it. Letting go of the dreams we had together, our plans, and the life we were building together.

Loss of a shared vision

Grief is a deeply personal experience. When a spouse dies, it’s not just the person you lose but also the shared future you envisioned. The dream of growing old together, the plans for adventures yet to come, the goals no longer attainable, and the simple everyday moments are all abruptly taken away. This loss can be disorienting and paralyzing.

Letting go in this context means acceptance. Accepting that the future you had imagined together will never come to be. I have had to accept that Norm will not walk our daughter down the aisle when she gets married or teach our son how to drive or sit on the front porch with me in our rocking chairs, holding hands, watching our future grandchildren run around the yard. I have had to let go of those pictures along with so many others. I am having to find a way to reconcile the love and memories of the past with a present where the void he left threatens to overshadow, and a future that looks unclear and uncertain while at the same time is full of hope. This form of letting go is not about forgetting or moving on in the traditional sense. It’s about redefining what moving forward means.

It’s essential to acknowledge the difficulty of this process. It is hard, so much more difficult than I would have ever imagined, and it doesn’t help that society often pressures us to get over loss quickly, to “move on” as if it were a straightforward task. But grief doesn’t follow a linear path, and healing doesn’t come with a set timeline. Each person’s journey through grief is unique, and the way we navigate it looks different for each of us.

“Fixing our eyes on Jesus, the founder and perfecter of our faith…”
Hebrews 12:2 (ESV)

In my experience, part of healing has been keeping my eyes on Jesus while exploring new dreams. It doesn’t mean erasing the past but rather integrating it into a new vision of the future. It’s about allowing myself to feel the pain and sadness while also being open to new possibilities of healing and happiness. Unfortunately, this doesn’t happen overnight. It’s a gradual, often painful process, but it’s a crucial part of healing.

Support from friends, family, or a therapist can also be invaluable during this time. Talking about your feelings, sharing memories, and expressing your grief openly can provide relief and help you process your emotions. I tend to process by writing and sharing. This has helped me put my thoughts and emotions into words, and it has also been helpful to know that by sharing my experiences, I am also encouraging others who are walking a similar path.

“His sovereignty rules over all..”
Psalms 103:19b (AMP)

Ultimately, letting go is about resting in His sovereignty and finding balance. It’s about holding on to the love and memories while also making room for new experiences and opportunities. It’s about honoring the past while also embracing the present and the future, however different it may look from what we had envisioned, knowing that He is with us each step of the way.

Letting go is not about forgetting. It’s about finding a way to carry the love and memories forward while allowing ourselves the space to heal and grow. It’s a delicate, ongoing process, but with time, patience, and most importantly, as we walk hand in hand with our heavenly Father, we can find a new path forward.

Heavenly Father, we pray that You will help us to see what we need to let go of in order to move forward into the future You have planned for us. We know that You hold us, You love us, and Your plans for us are good. We trust that You are at work and moving in our hearts and lives as we walk forward hand in hand with You. Thank You for Your love and compassion towards us. In Jesus Name, Amen.