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Until I became a widow, I could not understand the need for the book of Lamentations. I much preferred the scriptures of hope and encouragement. I can remember singing hymns like “A Mighty Fortress is Our God” filled with strong triumphant verses. These were songs I loved. When I read the Psalms, I found myself skipping over the sad chapters that leaned toward despair. To me, that did not fit the God I knew. I asked myself how a faithful follower of God could hold such hopeless thoughts, much less share them with the Lord.

Years later, I sat on a cushion in the front row of my church at a celebration of life honoring my husband. It was then that those Psalms of sadness and thoughts filled with questions became significant to me. I began to pour over the scripture and allow God to hear my questions and concerns. It was then that I could cry out to God. As I came to the Lord, He met me in my pain. I was not wrestling with my faith or belief in the Lord. Instead, I was reconciling what I knew about my faith with the feelings that did not make sense to me.

Psalm 77:1-2 (ESV) says,

”I cried out to God; I cried aloud to God to hear me. In the day of my trouble, I sought the Lord;”

The Psalms have become a balm to my soul. Nearly one in every three chapters is filled with lament. Those writers would not have written their thoughts to the Lord if they had no faith. I realized then that those Psalms are often prayers of pain that lead to deeper trust in the Lord.

I understood that I needed to talk to God about my pain instead of giving Him the silent treatment. Often as a believer, I thought that those who were discouraged or in despair did not have a strong faith if they questioned God. Outwardly, I acted with strength and confidence, but on the inside, my loss was a struggle. I needed my soul to be restored, and I began to share that need with the Lord.

Lament is a prayer in pain that leads me to trust the Lord.

Soon I began reading through Lamentations. The book consists of five poems of mourning over the destruction of Jerusalem and the temple. As I read, I saw that God gives me permission to talk to Him about my pain. It was then that I found my life pivot. Life can be hard, and hard things can lead us to a dark place if we stop praying.

“How lonely sits the city that was full of people! How like a widow has she become, she who was great among the nations!”
Lamentations 1:1 (ESV)

I needed to discover how to talk to God through my pain, share my burden, and open my heart to Him. Soon, I realized the importance of learning to lean into the scripture and cry out in faith.

In the book “Dark Clouds, Deep Mercy,” Mark Vroegop says there is a progression to lament. He shares four basic principles to lament before the Lord. First, I need to turn to God in the midst of my pain. The next step is to complain and express concern over my current struggle. Then, I ask the Lord for His help and presence in those moments. Finally, I should trust Him for the results, knowing His ultimate plans will be completed.

As I pray in the midst of my pain and struggle, I find that my confidence and trust in the Lord are strengthened, and my faith is supported. The destination of lament is a deeper trust in the Lord. I can ask questions and talk through my tears. Sorrow does not become my destination, but an opportunity to see God as I journey through my loss.

“The steadfast love of the Lord never ceases; His mercies never come to an end; They are new every morning; great is your faithfulness.”
Lamentations 3:22-23 (ESV)

Remember that Christians do weep. There is a deep problem with denying sadness. It is important not to ignore the Bible’s invitation into a sanctified sorrow. We are simply distorting our understanding of life itself and not allowing room for hope that the next life is glorious. Bringing glory to the Lord in all we think, say, and do does not always mean being happy.

Lord, help us to cast our burdens at Your feet. Give us wisdom as we search for You in the midst of our loss. We long to see Your provision, power, and presence daily. Thank You for Jesus, and for loving us and listening to our needs. In Jesus Name, Amen.

This reflection draws from ideas presented in Mark Vroegop’s Dark Clouds, Deep Mercy: Discovering the Grace of Lament (Crossway, 2019) Find it here: https://www.markvroegop.com/books/dark-clouds-deep-mercy