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“When a strong man, fully armed, guards his own palace, his goods are safe; but when one stronger than he attacks him and overcomes him, he takes away his armor in which he trusted and divides his spoil.”
Luke 11:21–22 (ESV)

Take a look at this verse and ask yourself on your widow journey: Who is that strong man who has taken root in your life?

It happens naturally when a widow loses her footing because her husband has been ripped out of her life and she has to start over. Fear can work its way in before we even recognize it.

Think about all the “strong men” that can take a toll on a widow’s life: loss of identity as a wife, financial concerns, navigating the social world as a single woman, managing a household alone, repairs, bills, children, doctor’s appointments, budgets, and every short-term and long-term decision.

It can be overwhelming.

The Strong Man Wormed His Way Into My Widow Journey

Over the years, with the help of other widows, good counseling, and especially Christ, I worked hard to navigate these things well. But there was one strong man that crept in so gradually I didn’t recognize him until years into my widowhood.

Hypervigilance.

I was trying so hard to do this widow journey carefully. Take care of myself. Take care of my kids. Watch the budget. Build healthy friendships. Don’t offend anyone. Manage offenses against me without becoming bitter. Make wise decisions.

Those are good things.

But somewhere along the way, wisdom turned into scanning.

Had I offended someone? Was someone upset with me? Was I being left out? What might go wrong next?

I wasn’t relaxed. I had traded some of the abundant life for hypervigilance.

But Jesus Is the Stronger Man

Luke 11:21–22 is part of Jesus’ answer to the accusation that He was driving out demons by demonic power. But Jesus points out the absurdity: How could evil defeat evil? A house divided against itself will fall.

Instead, Jesus describes a house guarded by a strong man who thinks his defenses are airtight.

Until Someone stronger comes on the scene.

Then the old strong man is history.

Christ Removes the Strong Man’s Armor

Think about it. My hypervigilance was what the strong man was whispering to me: If you watch carefully enough, anticipate enough, analyze enough, you can keep yourself safe.

What a lie!

Once I trusted Christ to be my Stronger Man, I no longer needed to trust in that armor. I could trust in Him! That changed how I looked at hypervigilance. I didn’t have to defeat it by becoming even better at vigilance!

There is tremendous peace in letting Him kick butt against the strong man in my life. His power is decisive, even as I keep learning to rest in it.

Recently, I was having a fabulous time with my family when one sibling said something that once could have derailed my whole evening. Hypervigilance would have pulled me inside my head, replaying and analyzing what had happened.

Instead, I offered a quick prayer to the Holy Spirit and kept enjoying my family.

The Stronger Man had taken over the house.

I’ve learned the same thing about invitations. Widowhood made me sensitive to couples getting together without me. Maybe sometimes I really was excluded because I was single.

But here’s the beautiful part:

I don’t have to figure it out.

Hypervigilance wants an answer. Why wasn’t I invited? What did they mean? Did I do something wrong?

Christ offers something better than an answer.

He offers Himself.

I can address a real problem when one actually appears without searching the horizon for problems that might be coming. I can enjoy the invitations that come without analyzing the ones that don’t.

Hypervigilance promises protection, but it steals peace.

Jesus offers something better.

I can put down my armor because Someone stronger is guarding the house.

Lord, if other widows find themselves, in reaction to their loss, looking around and anticipating the woes of widowhood, help them lay down that armor and redirect their trust to You. Help them know that You have this. You are stronger. Amen.