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How do I pray when my heart is broken?

Does praying even matter anymore?

God, are You even hearing me?

Am I the only one who struggles to pray?

Those were the questions going through my head. I was watching my marriage disintegrate. My husband’s secret addiction had come into the light because his health was failing quickly. What happened to those two young hearts joined at the altar of marriage twenty years before? Where were those people now? We were very involved in our local church. How had it come to this?

My prayers during this time felt like they were hitting the ceiling and bonking me back on the head, mocking me.

This went on for month after month. The months turned into years – deeper and deeper my life continued to fall into a canyon, without hope of getting out.

Somewhere within those difficult months, I stumbled upon the Lord’s prayer – not the one that is often memorized and spoken together in churches. Another of the Lord’s prayers – the one He prayed in the Garden just hours before His crucifixion.

Do you remember what He prayed?

Not My will but Yours.

For me, that was far more difficult to pray than the other Lord’s Prayer. I prayed my will over and over. And it showed it was my will because I kept getting angry at God when it didn’t go MY way.

It stung – how is praying for the healing of my husband NOT God’s will? But I decided to change my prayers to those five words.

Not

My

Will

But

Yours

Was it a magic formula that caused all my prayers to “come true” like in the movies? Not a bit. In fact, my husband’s health continued to spiral until he passed away while we were on a family trip to Branson.

But what I was learning the months prior to his death were my anchor during those dark early days of widowhood. The difference was that I was trusting God with the outcome and not trying to manipulate Him to give me what I wanted.

Just recently it dawned on me what the difference is how I handle the answer to my prayers. If I get mad at God for not answering my prayers in my way, then I am praying MY will. If I pray, accepting His answer and purpose, trusting Him with the answer then I am likely praying HIS will.

The lessons on prayer that I was learning in those difficult days have helped me so much as I get further on my journey. It spreads into other areas of my life – not just prayers for me and my life, but in prayers for others and situations I don’t understand.

From those early days of wondering why I even wanted to pray until now, I have learned that prayer aligns our wills with God’s will. Jesus prayed during His darkest moments in the Garden before He went to a cruel death. That’s the example we should all follow.

One way to know for sure you are praying God’s will is to pray Scripture to Him. Have you ever tried this? It might look like this: you read a verse in one of our devotional emails and use that verse in a prayer to your Heavenly Father. For example: Lord Jesus, You tell us to be anxious for nothing. Right now I am very anxious about _____ (finances, friend, family member, future). Help me to be thankful as I bring my prayer for _____ to You, according to Philippians 4:6-7. As the passage goes on, I pray for the peace of God to cover every part of me, guarding my heard and my mind. Amen

I hope this has encouraged you to continue in prayer, even in grief. Sometimes the only prayer our lips can speak is, “Help me, Jesus!” That is perfectly fine. You are declaring your complete dependence upon God. Other times you wish you had the words to pray and that’s when you can draw from Scripture.

Lord, we know Your heart is full of love of us. We are so comforted to know You hear us, even when all we can utter through our tears is “help me”. Give us Your peace and clarity as we consider how to pray and why we pray. Thank You for Your goodness and love. Amen