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Blessed are those who mourn,
for they will be comforted.
Matthew 5:4 (NIV)

If you research commentaries on the Beatitudes you will find most scholars think Matthew 5:4 is referring to those who are mourning over their sinfulness, not over the death of a loved one. I want to push back on that idea. First, it doesn’t say “Blessed are those who mourn over their sinfulness”, it says “Blessed are those who mourn”. Secondly, while I am not a scholar, I am a widow and I can speak wholeheartedly to the blessings that have come from mourning my husband’s earthly passing. Here is a list of just a few of the things I consider true blessings during the absolute worst time in my life.

Blessing #1: I began to realize God went before me.

My husband’s death was sudden. He was on a business trip when he was struck and killed by a drunk driver. There was no way I could have known and yet somehow the weekend before was different. When I look back I know God was preparing us. Even that day we had an unexpected time to have lunch together, my husband ate all of his favorite things. And I did not even fuss that those were not the best choices. As we wrapped up our time together, I gave him a hard time about being late getting back to work. He was so flustered trying to get out of the car quickly he forgot to unbuckle his seatbelt. We both had a good laugh and then he started to turn away. I quickly called him out about forgetting to give me a kiss goodbye. He remedied that in the best possible way.

When I got back to work, I immediately sensed he was in serious trouble. I called my prayer partner and we prayed for him to have safe travels. I texted him the last message he would ever receive from me while on this earth, “I love you more than you can imagine.”

Quite often people will comment when they hear how my husband died, how sad it is that I didn’t get to say goodbye. But I did, God prepared me. He walks with me and on that day, like every other day, He guided me. I don’t believe in coincidences. I believe God is intimately involved in every detail of our lives.

Blessing #2: I began to realize God was with me.

Like the detail of where I was and what I was doing when the State troopers showed up at my door to give me the news. I wasn’t alone like I would have been any other night that week, I was teaching my Monday night bible study group. We were doing a study on the names of God, that night I was teaching about El Shaddai – the All-Sufficient One. I was in the palm of God’s hand. So much so, I was consumed with compassion for the State Troopers and the Holy Spirit led me to pray for them. God put so many details in place, I could never question His faithfulness. He was with me every step of the way.

Blessing # 3: And He never left me.

That night was just the beginning of a two-year hurricane that I had to endure. In addition to processing my grief, I had multiple court cases to deal with over those two years. One which required me to testify to minute details of my husband’s work requirements and the other required me to make a victim statement to the court and to read the victim statements of our children. And the most challenging part of it all, dealing with numerous occasions where the justice system failed to work appropriately. But through it all God never left me.

He provided clarity to not only recall the minute details, but He gave me the ability to counteract every twist and turn the opposing counsel tried.

God also provided two Sisters-in-Christ who flanked both sides of me every time we went to criminal court in a town over two hours away from where we lived. They not only provided transportation and encouragement, but they also provided the constant physical assurance of God’s presence with me. Because of His presence, I was able to advocate for justice.

God chose to allow the injustice of the legal system but because of His goodness, He gave me something far more valuable! He gave me the opportunity and ability to privately meet with and forgive the person who murdered my husband. (It was classified as murder because of repeat DUI offenses). It is the most powerful gift He could have ever given me. I now understand who He is in a more profound way than I ever did before. And there will never be any doubt in my mind that I am His child and He dwells within me.

Blessing #4: And now I see…God is fulfilling His purpose in my life.

As I reflect on the blessings I have discovered on this journey, I am convinced that God loves me and dwells within me. He is the one who fights the battles and yet still loves and forgives. I am just a vessel. Oh, what I glorious gift it is to be His vessel. Being with Him is not only the purpose of my life it is my greatest reward!