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I pulled into my neighborhood on Halloween and was nearly home, when I saw the street was blocked. There were four police SUVs, an ambulance and firetruck parked in front of a new neighbor’s home. It brought back memories of my own experience and trauma as I pulled onto my street nearly four years ago—driving up in shock and praying that what I had been told was only a nightmare. The flashing lights, the police officers, the stares from neighbors covering their mouths, just trying to walk—all of it, the trauma, came flashing back.

The next day I learned my neighbor, who looks to be around my age and has younger children, lost her husband to suicide. I was devastated. I felt sick. I sobbed, and sobbed and sobbed some more. I have been where she has been. I have experienced the shock, extreme pain, and life-altering fear and guilt that death by suicide brings. To know someone so close to home was feeling this way was nearly unbearable. I wanted to take the pain away from her. I still struggle with wanting to erase the horrific feelings she is and will continue to experience.

But I know that I can’t. And, even if I could, it would not help her. My darkest days brought the brightest hope and strength in my relationship with Jesus. I have learned we cannot take the shortcut around pain and grief, or take it away from others. There is no healing there—I have learned in every circumstance; each individual has to go through the most horrific side of grief to begin healing. Through my darkest days, Jesus taught me this and reminded me of His promises.

We are never, ever, alone.

So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.
Isaiah 41:10

There were days following my husband Michael’s death where I literally felt as if the Lord was wrapping his arms around me. There were times of silence but also times I heard him whispering, ‘You will survive and find joy again. Trust me.’ I knew the Lord did not plan this, but he allowed it. That is when I surrendered to His will for my life and learned to trust Him in ANYTHING. The Lord isn’t immune to grief; He experienced it himself when his close friend Lazarus died. This same God is with us in our grief. We have a sovereign Savior who not only stands beside us but also lives within us!

Hiding our grief hurts.

Carry each other’s burdens, and in this way you will fulfill the law of Christ.
Galatians 6:2 (NIV)

The eyes of the Lord are on the righteous, and his ears are attentive to their cry.
Psalm 34:15 (NIV)

Death was never a part of what God created. It is completely out of step with his original plan, and He encourages us to mourn. Suppressing our feelings can only make them worse. God designed life for community. The godly family and friends who Jesus placed into my life help me remember God’s goodness even in the depths of darkness. Talking to those closest to me and to the Lord is what began my healing. It’s not always pretty, but God comes close to those who bring their grief to him!

Leaning on Jesus’ promises is enough.

And my God will supply every need of yours according to his riches in glory in Christ Jesus.
Philippians 4:19 (ESV)

Before Michael passed I thought as long as I had him, I could get through anything. Though many of us do it, I was idolizing him. One reason the Lord blesses us with marriage is to show us a glimpse of selfless love, but He is ultimately our provider. I learned that with Him I am surviving my greatest fear and have built an even stronger relationship with my Lord and Savior. Those months following the worst day of my life were precious times of learning to completely lean on Him and realizing the truth of His mercy and faithfulness.

For Believers, there is hope beyond this life.

For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life.
John 3:16 (NIV)

As believers we do not grieve in hopelessness but in hope! When life gets busy and grief brings me down, I try to keep an eternal perspective. I miss Michael every day, but I know I will see him again in Heaven!

Comfort using the comfort I have received.

He who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves receive from God.
2 Corinthians 1:4 (NIV)

I live in a very small suburb of Dallas. Having this happen so close, is no coincidence. I have never met this woman, my neighbor, but if it is God’s will—whether it’s one conversation or dozens—I am praying for an opportunity to speak with and comfort her.

Lord, Grief can be horrific and ugly. Help us to lean on you and the ones you placed in our lives. Remind us YOU are our eternal hope. Amen.