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In the Oxford Language dictionary, the definition of a valley is: “a low area of land between hills or mountains, typically with a river or stream flowing through it.” If you search for a picture of a valley, the majesty of the mountaintop next to a valley can provide a breathtaking view of change. To me, that is such a parallel image of how the Lord works in our lives through loss. Slow change occurs in a valley, as the land is washed out by gravity, water, and ice. Just as the land is changed by forces over time, eventually hills and mountains develop. In my loss, I can allow the Lord to shape me and make life changes as I navigate life after losing my husband Bill.

The combination of emotions, thoughts, and feelings grief has brought my way has been the force that God has used to change me. There are times when I can celebrate my husband’s release from a life filled with health struggles. I know he has found mountaintops of freedom from disability. I can only imagine the joy he must have in heaven. Yet the valleys of loss are where I can find myself questioning why the Lord took him and left me in this pain. It helps me to remember God’s character and reflect on His word to find purpose for those moments. In the Bible, valleys are often a metaphor for times of darkness, despair, defeat, or discouragement.

Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death,
I fear no evil, for You are with me;
Your rod and Your staff, they comfort me.
Psalm 23:4 (NASV)

Last summer I was visiting a friend in Colorado. I needed a break from the emotional rollercoaster I had been experiencing. I have reflected on that trip often. The mountains were so close I could feel their majesty. I wanted to absorb the beauty as I breathed in cool mountain air. I needed a fresh perspective.

During that Colorado trip, I went for a walk with two friends. I started in the valley between two mountains up the path toward my friend’s home. I could see the direction I needed to go, and when I rounded a bend, two paths diverged. My perspective was blocked, and without previous knowledge or experience navigating the neighborhood, I was lost. That was when I turned to my friends and let them take the lead. They knew the way to traverse these roads. It was challenging, but the support and encouragement of those two experienced friends made the difference.

In life after loss, to admit inadequacy requires humility. To step out and let someone know that I need support in my struggle or that I need prayer and wisdom to navigate life can help me focus on a bigger picture. It is powerful when I seek a core group of people and develop meaningful relationships to love and support one another along this journey. The Lord knows my need for community.

Later that day, I glanced down the path I had travelled, and the view stood out in my mind. Not just the power and incredible beauty surrounding me, but the actual perspective. It left me breathless. From this vantage point above that valley, I could see better how to navigate the terrain. I could see more than the mountain. I could see more than the people surrounding me. A clear pathway became visible to me. Regardless of our location on this planet, God is present, and His power is available as I lean into Him. Often when I find myself in the middle of a challenging or difficult place, my focus has narrowed. That does not allow me to recognize the entire situation.

I lift up my eyes to the mountains
where does my help come from?
My help comes from the Lord,
the maker of heaven and earth.
Psalm 121:1-2 (NIV)

What a reminder that the Lord made heaven and earth and the Lord made me. When widowhood or anything alters my life, the center of my identity doesn’t disintegrate. I have to remember that I am not defined or redefined by my circumstances or relationships, my resume or even public opinion. Being a widow is a term that applies to me, and yet I am always a child of God. I need to allow God to define me as I lean into His power and presence. Then, I can see myself with the Lord’s eyes and move forward from the valley as I look up to the Lord. It is possible to change perspective and gain a broader vision of options and possible new directions.

Lord,

Thank You for Your presence and power in our lives. Do not allow sorrow to define us as victims, but instead to refine us into Your image. Remind us that grief does not change our identity in your eyes. As we navigate the hills and valleys brought our way, give us proper perspective of the direction You desire for our lives. As we experience change, provide other believers to love and support us along this journey.

In Jesus Name. Amen.