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Blessed is she who believed that the Lord would fulfill His promises to her.
Luke 1:45 (NIV)

Tonight, this verse in Luke is jumping off the page and doing a swan dive smack into the deepest part of my heart. It’s a reminder and a balm for this Mama.

From the first phone call notifying me of my husband’s death, my biggest heartbreak was what his death would mean for our three girls. How on earth would I ever be able to solo parent? All children need their daddies. Even now, The girls don’t always use words to convey their grief, often I can see it in their eyes. Every time I see that look it splinters my heart a little more.

I remembered being filled with so much uncertainty when I contemplated our little family’s road ahead. The job of running a household and raising children is a daunting task for two people; then in the blink of an eye, it was all on my shoulders. I thought…

“How am I supposed to do this when I’m a mess too?”

Then, I thought…

“I trust You, Jesus.”

I believe His answer took shape in my heart as I wrote a note to my husband for his memorial service.

We are just going to be parenting long distance. You hold our baby in heaven and I‘ll hold our babies on earth. We may be apart, but your influence will be ever fresh in our minds; we will honor you and the ONE who made you always.

This little excerpt from my letter to him lay the foundation for how God wanted me to be a solo parent. I am a solo parent in appearance sake, but clinging to God’s voice, His guidance and His love for our family reminds me, I am not doing this alone. I have the ONE who is limitless in His resources, His wisdom, and His love for all three of my girls and me. His best interest for them outweighs mine. I’m thankful to know that my husband is alive in Christ and there is help in heavenly places, as I parent.

I’ve been reminiscing about those early moments a great deal this week. Although it’s been so hard and continues to be the hardest thing in my life to walk through, I see His hand guiding me along and making a way. Like Mary in the first chapter of Luke, I didn’t understand all the places the road would take me to, but I know to trust Him. Trust, ensures His light will brighten the road at the exact moment I place my feet upon it.

My oldest daughter graduates from college in two days, and in July, she’ll walk down the aisle and say “I do” to her groom. Weddings are so beautiful, but so hard and always bring bittersweet moments. I always hold my own hand during those ceremonies and remember our vows and the three squeezes to the hand as a reassurance from my groom as he would choose me every single time. I am so proud of my daughter and her groom to be. They have both encountered the loss of a parent. They’ve witnessed the devastating effects of a spouse left behind, but they choose to trust their heavenly Father, and they are willing to take the plunge into the wild adventure He has waiting for them. The wedding and the day will be beautiful, but my girl reminded me “It’s the days after the wedding, I want to focus on.”

Yes, that’s my promise fulfilled.

Dear Heavenly Father, Please be with us and fill in the gaps in our parenting and in our journey on this widow’s road. We give You all the glory and the honor as You work in every aspect of our lives. In Your Mighty Name, amen.