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“…I have spoken, and I will bring it to pass;
I have purposed, and I will do it.”
Isaiah 46:11 (ESV)

Juggling Plates

Ryan and I divided responsibilities in traditional ways: I handled the kids and daily housework, and he handled finances and household maintenance. Still, we were a team.

After Ryan’s passing, though, I was left to juggle all the plates.

This is one thing about widowhood that others don’t understand. You aren’t just dealing with the devastation of losing your partner and loved one. Life continues on without him. Bills must be paid. Dinner must be cooked. Children have to make it to school. You have to make it to work on time. And all the plates you were juggling on your own don’t disappear. Instead, they double in number, and any of them might fall at any minute and shatter into a thousand pieces.

Decision fatigue is real. Widow’s brain is real. During that first year, I isolated myself because my brain could not process one more decision – not even whether to meet friends for lunch or wear waterproof mascara.

Additionally, there were times when I worried that our needs would not be met. Not just financially, but emotionally, mentally, physically, etc. I trusted the Lord and knew He would provide, but I still worried He wouldn’t. He had allowed this hardship to come into our lives, so why wouldn’t He allow more? That seems like an extremely faithless thought, but that’s where I was.

God wasn’t shocked at my doubts. He kept providing.

Divine Provision

And then He used the story of Elisha and the widow’s olive oil to show me the overflowing grace and abundance He pours out on His widows.

In 2 Kings 4:1-7 (NIV), a widow begs Elisha for help because a creditor is coming to take her sons as slaves to pay her husband’s debts.

I’m sure, like me, you can easily put yourself in that widow’s place – fearing for her children and wondering how every need would be met.

Elisha asked the widow what she had. She had nothing except a small jar of olive oil. He then told her to get as many jars as she could find:

“Go around and ask all your neighbors for empty jars. Don’t ask for just a few.”
2 Kings 4:3 (NIV)

Then he instructs her to pour oil from the small jar into the other jars. As she poured, the oil filled every jar. Elisha told her to sell the oil and pay the debts. She and her sons could live on the rest.

God pointed out several details to me:

1. God took what the widow had and multiplied it. She didn’t have to buy more and then come to Him, or find the extra herself. The small jar of olive oil was all she had, but that’s all God needed. As a side note: If it came from God Himself, don’t you know it was the best oil ever produced? High quality, high dollar – the very best!
2. The widow was only required to gather the jars. If she had gathered only a few jars, the oil would have filled only a few jars. However, Elisha told her to gather as many as she could, so she anticipated God’s mighty work. She believed the Lord could do whatever He wanted.
3. After she paid her debts, there was enough left over for her and her sons to live. In my opinion, it wasn’t just enough to cover the debts. It wasn’t just enough to provide during the first year after her husband’s death. They lived on the profits. This is an active and continuous verb. They may not have moved into a mansion, but I believe God provided a way to care for her in the long term.

He will do what He says He will do

I believed God could do anything, and through this story, I believed He was telling me He would provide for us. But I still struggled to believe He would.

Then He showed me a verse that put His final word on the matter. It was like He put His foot down and commanded me to stop worrying about these trivial things.

Isaiah 46:11 (ESV) says,

“…I have spoken, and I will bring it to pass;
I have purposed, and I will do it.”

Yes, He had allowed tragedy to enter our lives, but through my testimony, He would bring such purpose and glory that no one could deny that He is real! And He is at work in my life and the lives of my children. He will do what He says He will do!

And let me tell you – He does! I can tell you the craziest stories of how He is working. The kids and I laugh now and say, “God’s showing off again!”

Life is still hard sometimes, and I still struggle with decision fatigue. But God has shown up to help me juggle the plates, and He is so much better at it than I am. In fact, I entrusted Him with all the plates, and I just sit and watch, constantly amazed.

Dear Heavenly Father, thank you for your divine provision. I believe that You can do anything. Let me see all the ways You are working in my life, and help me to remember that You will do what You say You will do. Amen.