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It can be difficult walking this road; some days are harder than others. No matter the amount of time that passes, emotions will continue to collide. And though joy and grace cover us most days, there are still real-life moments that trigger sadness and sorrow. Going to the cemetery with our son (who was just one-and-a-half years old when his dad passed), our wedding anniversary (which is Wednesday), and the Easter holiday are a few of them.

Easter brings so many emotions for me now that my late husband Michael is in heaven. His death truly changed the way I see Jesus’ resurrection. Before, it was something I believed wholeheartedly, but it was really tough for me to wrap my head around it all. Now, that Michael has made his way to heaven, I can see images in my mind of him celebrating with the ONE the holiday is all about. Maybe they’re images I want to be real, or maybe they’re images that actually are real, that God has placed there. I choose the latter.

I wish I could say otherwise, but I have never been so confident in my faith until life after loss. My faith has always sustained me but having experienced indescribable pain and grief – a loss that cannot be compared – and then indescribable comfort and strength, has brought much more of an understanding of God’s love for us and eternal life with Him. As followers of Jesus Christ, this is not the end. We can grieve with hope; our circumstances on earth can’t compare to what’s coming!

“I consider that our present sufferings are not worth comparing with the glory that will be revealed in us.”
Romans 8:18 (NIV)

Because of the cross, Easter also brings joy and peace. Jesus has already won! What was meant for tragedy on the day He was crucified was turned into triumph – the greatest event, ever, in history. Darkness was turned into light!

So grateful the Lord turned my darkness into light. What was meant to ruin and destroy me, our tragedy has turned into triumph. Satan didn’t win. Michael is with our heavenly Father, and I am living proof the Lord can use horrific circumstances to impact His Kingdom. I’m humbled He has and continues to use our story to lead others to Him.

“Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves receive from God. For just as we share abundantly in the sufferings of Christ, so also our comfort abounds through Christ.”
2 Corinthians 1:3-5 (NIV)

Eight years later, I still have days that bring me to my knees. I’ll always miss Michael. But the Lord’s strength, love, and mercy have taken me from where I was – full of guilt, shame, fear, and extreme darkness – and turned it into light, hope, and joy, and HE is the ONE to praise.

“For nothing will be impossible with God.”
Luke 1:37 (NIV)

“You turned my wailing into dancing; you removed my sackcloth and clothed me with joy.”
Psalm 30:11 (NIV)

Lord, thank You for Your comfort, love, and mercy. When we fall into deep sadness and sorrow, remind us this life is only the beginning. As believers, we will see our beloved again and have eternal life with You. Continue to guide us through this journey here on Earth. In Jesus’s name we pray. Amen.