{{item.title | uppercase}}

The trauma my body and mind endured on Jan. 15, 2015, is indescribable. Even now, I experience aftershocks from that day and the moments leading up to my husband’s death. These aftershocks can trigger my mind to believe something awful is happening—or about to happen. In fact, something as simple as seeing an ambulance or fire truck parked outside a home can spark stress.

The aftermath of loss brings a flood of emotions … anxiety, fear, anger, sorrow, guilt, shock, and loneliness, and those feelings can continue throughout our grief journey. It makes sense that our emotions run so high. The Holmes-Rahe Stress Scale ranks the loss of a spouse as the most stressful life event, not only because of the loss itself but also because of the many secondary losses that follow.

Sadly, you don’t have to explain it to us. As widows, we know this firsthand. We lost our husband, our best friend, our lover, the father of our children, our confidant, financial advisor, prayer warrior, spiritual leader, supporter, trash-taker-outer, and partner in this life.

Whether it’s trauma from the day you lost your husband, the stress of constant change, raising children without their father, navigating finances on your own, or grieving relationships that have changed, what do we do when these feelings become so overwhelming that they nearly paralyze us?

After my husband Michael’s death, I attended a suicide survivors support group and spent several months in counseling. I truly believe the Lord places people, including counselors, in our lives to help us process our feelings and emotions. The time I spent in that group and with my counselor helped me learn ways to cope with the anxiety, trauma, and PTSD.

I still use those coping skills. Yet there are times when they don’t fully satisfy my heart or bring peace and comfort. That’s when I turn to the only ONE who can.

I’ve found that when I try to carry these burdens on my own, I can’t seem to move beyond them. But when I surrender them to the Lord, I know He can do more than I could ever imagine.

Paul says,

“I consider that our present sufferings are not worth comparing with the glory that will be revealed in us.”
Romans 8:18 (NIV)

When I find myself consumed by darkness and overwhelming circumstances, I pray and cling to this verse. I have and continue to find comfort and peace here. Though I know what awaits me after this life, I have always trusted the Lord would also bring goodness here on earth.

“I remain confident of this: I will see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living.”
Psalm 27:13 (NIV)

From the very first day after my husband passed, I saw that goodness in our son and in the people who surrounded me. God had placed those people in my life, not merely for the season when we met, but for the season when my world fell apart, and I needed them most.

Today, I continue to see the goodness of the Lord through all the things He has provided, including my husband, Keith (I remarried nine years ago).

As we continue walking this journey of grief, and as trauma and anxiety attempt to creep back in, let’s remember to pray and surrender it all to the ONE who knows our hearts and our circumstances. Because He is the only one who can heal what is broken.

Lord, each of us has our own story, but we have all been impacted by the trauma of losing our husbands. Comfort us and remind us of Your eternal perspective. Though we know eternal life with You awaits us, we are confident that You still have goodness in store for us here on earth. Open our hearts and minds to listen and follow where You are leading so that we may experience Your goodness. Amen.