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He heals the brokenhearted
and binds up their wounds.
Psalm 147:3 (NIV)

My journey into widowhood began on March 3, 2016, at 7:30 am in a small room at an in-patient hospice center. In that instance, my life was changed. Looking back I had no idea how much my husband’s death would affect me or how hard it would be to do life without him.

I lived in a fog for what seemed like an eternity. Because I worked a full-time job, I had to get up every morning. As my feet hit the floor, having no strength of my own, I’d cry out to God, “Lord, be my strength today.”

Distracted by work, I managed most days to make it through without any tears. But when four o’clock rolled around, an hour before quitting time, the shadow of grief came over me. Many nights I opted to work late in order to avoid going home to the silence of an empty house. When I arrived home, the television became my numbing agent. Whatever series I was binging at the time allowed me to escape from my world into the world of an imaginary life.

Eventually, I had to go to bed where once again I was hit with the reality that my husband was gone. His side of the bed was empty.

My pillow became the recipient of many tears
and my bed became a “wailing wall” as I called out to God.

Through the Holy Spirit and His Word, I found comfort to get through the night.

Morning would come and, like the movie, Groundhog Day, the cycle would repeat itself all over again. I wish I could assure you that this only lasted a few months but it didn’t. I can’t pinpoint a day or month or even the year when the cycle changed. What I can tell you is that in time, with the help of the Lord, it did change.

Working through grief is hard work!

The change not only took time but it took work on my part. At some point, I had to decide if I was going to stay in the dark prison of grief or would I let God heal my broken heart. I chose the latter. But it wasn’t a one-and-done decision. I had to continue to make that decision every day! I had to choose to believe what God’s Word revealed to me about God’s character and His promises.

Knowing that I needed to be reminded of those promises made me realize that prayer and remaining in God’s Word were essential. They both became my solace and guide in the dark days and nights of brokenness and grief.

My journey to healing wasn’t pretty. It was downright ugly at times as I wrestled with God and myself through the many challenges of life without my husband. But like the loving Father He is, He was faithful to all His promises!

God was writing a new story!

Once I chose to accept the story God was writing in my life, I began asking God to show me His purpose for leaving me behind. And in time, He has been faithful to reveal that purpose.

Today, seven years later, I am a member of A Widows Might, Inc, helping widows around the world by giving them a glimpse through the window of my grief journey. In addition, God has opened the door for me to begin a widow’s ministry where we minister to widows in our church and community through quarterly luncheons.

I don’t know how long the cycle of intense grief will be for you but I encourage you to seek the Lord, allow Him to heal your broken heart, and reveal His purpose for you.

Heavenly Father, my prayer today is that every widow reading these words will give You the pieces of their broken heart. I pray You would free them from the prison of grief and restore joy to their heart. Give them patience and perseverance as You bring healing and purpose.