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For you are my rock and my fortress; and for your name’s sake you lead me and guide me.
Psalm 31:3 (ESV)

As a girl I’d wait, pencil in hand, for the yearly airing of the The Grinch Who Stole Christmas. The writer in me wanted get down on paper the words the Hoo’s down in Hooville were singing:

fal-hoom four way or fah-hume foray

Was it – four way or foray? Maybe these were just Hoo language nonsense words!

Or maybe they were singing about their spirit protecting themselves from “forays” (sudden attacks) against Christmas joy.

Widows are particularly vulnerable at Christmas. Everywhere we turn, another reminder of our husbands pops up. And we, ourselves, are reminders to others that life is so fleeting.

Here are steps I use to help me deal with these holiday forays.

G – Go to God for real Truth

In this season of polarized opinions and the Word of God being rejected, I stop focusing on what the news says about faith and Christmas. I know what is true. God’s in control. He doesn’t depend on the evening news to define His authority. What a comfort!

“For you are my rock and my fortress; and for your name’s sake you lead me and guide me“
Psalm 31:3 (ESV)

R – Reach Out to Others.

The quickest way to misery is to focus all your thoughts on your own feelings and pain. On the other hand, the Lord tells us through James that your spirit will lift when you consider the needs and cares of others as important as your own. Feeling a little left out this year? How about looking towards a neighbor who is alone this Christmas and inviting them over for some fruit cake?

If you really fulfill the royal law according to the Scripture, “You shall love your neighbor as yourself,” you are doing well.
James 2:8 (ESV)

I – Interrupt Grief with Gratitude

I’ve learned that when I dipped into those really down days of grief, what was at the bottom of that trough was fear– of a life on my own, of never having romantic love again, of losing my identity, of no one around to protect me. These fears aren’t based on reality. God provides. Taking time to remember all the little and big things He does for me pulls me out of that valley.

Only fear the Lord and serve him faithfully with all your heart. For consider what great things he has done for you.
1 Samuel 12:24 (ESV)

N – Never Forget Why He Came on Christmas

When we cry out in pain over the loss of what we enjoyed in the life we had with our husbands, we can forget the good stuff God continues to bring every day– His Mercies, His Comfort, and His Hope.

“But we do not want you to be uninformed, brothers, about those who are asleep, that you may not grieve as others do who have no hope.”
1 Thessalonians 4:13 (ESV)

C – Consider What You Have on Your Plate

What have I done? I asked myself several years into my grief. It was Christmas and I was not enjoying one bit of it. I had the tree up, the home decorated top to bottom, cookies baked for what felt like the millionth party, and I was licking stamps and addressing dozens of envelopes for those obligatory cards. A year later I simplified Christmas and had a far better time. And you know what? No one even noticed they didn’t get that card from me! Slow down. It’s what the Lord commands.

But the Lord answered her, “Martha, Martha, you are anxious and troubled about many things, but one thing is necessary.
Luke 10:41 (ESV)

H – Honor Your Husband with His Legacy

Perhaps you’re in an early grief phase and you really must take the time to spend in tears. Remember that it’s appropriate and normal. During this early grief, I found that honoring my husband’s legacy was a great way to let the healing tears flow while taking steps to gather his things and organize them into legacy items. Perhaps a quilt made of some of his garments, or a photo book with memories, or a blog page with stories about him. These are all ways to grieve very much as the early Christians grieved over their loved ones.

Devout men buried Stephen and made great lamentation over him.
Acts 8:2 (ESV)

No doubt, widowhood issues won’t disappear with these tips. But they won’t destroy your Holidays. Carve out the time and send these Grinches home. Be with your family and the Lord.

Abba Father, would You help all widows understand that You are there with them during this season, and Your reason for Christmas in the first place is to give us all eternal life. Help us to know You better day by day. Amen.