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Today we are joined by Vanessa Yochim. After being married for nearly 39 years, Vanessa was widowed in 2016. You can read more about her at the bottom of this post.

“Build houses and live in them; plant gardens and eat their produce. Take wives and have sons and daughters; take wives for your sons, and give your daughters in marriage, that they may bear sons and daughters; multiply there, and do not decrease.”
Jeremiah 29: 5-6 (ESV)

My home church recently merged with a neighboring church. The first Sunday that our two churches met together, our new pastor spoke on “The Good Ole Days”. He encouraged us to look ahead to what God is doing while cherishing the memories of the past. It was so relevant for both merging congregations, but I couldn’t help feeling like it was also personal for me in this season of widowhood.

Some days I feel so stuck, wanting to move forward, wishing I didn’t have to, and longing for what used to be.

Change is hard, especially an unexpected, life-altering change like losing a spouse. We are left sitting in the ashes of stolen hopes and dreams, unable to gather them up as we watch the winds of change blow them away. Those first weeks, months, and even years find us wishing for our lives to return to “normal”.

Looking back with rose-colored glasses can have us believing that our best days are behind us.

We can make an idol of our past, and our husbands, when we hold on too tightly. Then we fail to see the goodness and blessings God has for us in the present and the future. It keeps us from embracing and being fully present in the place God has us right now. We have treasured memories of our lives with our husbands and the good old days, but our best days are still ahead of us because of Jesus.

Revelation 21:4 (ESV) says,

“He will wipe away every tear from their eyes, and death shall be no more, neither shall there be mourning, nor crying, nor pain anymore, for the former things have passed away.”

That will be the best day of all, when all these former things have passed away and we will no longer mourn for what used to be but instead rejoice in the glory of being with Jesus.

Until then, God still has wonderful plans for us.

So how do we release our grip on the past and move forward to experience the good days still ahead?

The book of Jeremiah is a letter from God to His people living in exile in Babylon. They were unhappy and longing for their former homes and way of life. God gave Jeremiah this message for His people:

“Build houses and live in them; plant gardens and eat their produce. Take wives and have sons and daughters; take wives for your sons, and give your daughters in marriage, that they may bear sons and daughters; multiply there, and do not decrease.”
Jeremiah 29: 5-6 (ESV)

God was telling His people to go on living their lives, to be totally present where He had placed them. He didn’t want them to be stuck in their past; He wanted them to live in the present, looking forward to the future. They were to continue living their daily lives, doing their daily chores, and caring for their families.

These words spoke to my heart as I often find myself pleading with God to show me what I am supposed to do with my life now.

Like the Israelites, my life has been interrupted and torn apart. I long for my husband and our life of the past, questioning my present circumstances. Then Scripture also reminds me that God has great plans for me and good days ahead.

“For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord; “plans to prosper you and not harm you, plans to give you a hope and a future.”
Jeremiah 29:11 (NIV)

I need to loosen my grip on the past and be fully present in my life today. I need to get up and make my bed, wash the dishes, walk the dog and care for my family. As I am faithful to do the next right thing today, Jesus will lead me into my best days ahead.

Jesus, thank You for preparing good days ahead for us. Help us to be totally present right here and now. Keep us from being stuck in what used to be and let us see Your goodness and blessings today. Forgive us when we make our past more important than You. In Jesus name, Amen.