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Behold, I have engraved you on the palms of my hands;
your walls are continually before me.
Isaiah 49:16 (ESV)

Do you know what I miss most about my husband? Hugs for no reason—catching his eye across a crowded room and knowing exactly what he is thinking. I miss the inside jokes we shared and “that” look from him. And I miss knowing out of all the people on this planet, he chose me to spend the rest of his life with. It was me he came home to every day. I miss feeling special, set apart…

I miss being chosen.

For the sixteen years before my husband John died suddenly of a heart attack, I had something I really craved. Someone here, in the flesh, who had chosen me above all others. I took great comfort in this fact and being a wife was very important to me. Until he died, I never realized just how important being chosen was to me.

Truth is, most of my self-worth and identity came from knowing I was enough for someone, a physical flesh and blood person. My feeling of security depended on John choosing me daily. And now that I’m single again, not having this daily affirmation has brought my insecurities to the surface.

So who chooses me?

Having grown up in the church, I know the answer to that intellectually—God. But when I became a widow, this fact did not provide the comfort it probably should have. God loved me enough to take care of me and my children. He promised He would redeem my future, and He would use the loss to my good and to glorify Him. After all, He has provided for me in countless ways both materially and spiritually, stamping His fingerprint on my life throughout this season of widowhood.

So why wasn’t He enough for me? What was missing? Why did I feel unloved and unwanted?

Only recently did I get an inkling to why.

See, when I heard “God loves the world”, all I could think was “great, He loves everyone just the same” and “I’m nothing special, just another face in the crowd”.

And that is not what I desire. I want to be special! I want to be chosen! John’s gone, and now, because of my circumstances, I just wasn’t feeling special. I was allowing my circumstances to tell me I wasn’t chosen.

But, those were my feelings—not Truth.

I am chosen!

• Deuteronomy 14:2 God tells me I am His own special treasure.
• Isaiah 43:4 exclaims I am precious to God.
• Psalm 139:17-18 shouts God thinks of me all the time.
• Isaiah 49:16 reminds me God has engraved my name on His hand.
• Psalm 139:13 tells us God knit us together in our mother’s womb.

God is not limited to human constraints of only being able to do or think of one or even a few things at a time. He can love each of us like there is no one else to love. He can think of me all the time and still think of you all the time. I am not just some face in the crowd, and neither are you.

He knows you and me intimately. He knows us better than our husbands ever could, and He still chooses us.

I know this is can be difficult for us to grasp, and I am still trying to wrap my brain around it. But we must hold onto this truth about God. It is vital that we find our security, our value, and our self-worth in the God who loves us personally.

Let’s not depend on others to provide what only God can.

Heavenly Father,
I pray for my sisters to understand the personal and intimate love You have for each of us. Help us to see that even though our loved ones are not here to make us feel special, it’s okay because we are treasured by the God of the universe. I ask you to make real to us just how wide and deep your love for us is. I pray for us to know that we are truly chosen.
Amen