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As I embarked on the challenging journey of the holiday season as a widow, I found myself contemplating how I would navigate the Christmas festivities without my husband’s presence. After reading several articles and books, and attending GriefShare, I discovered, and now share with you, several strategies to not only endure but to thrive during the holiday period.

**Acknowledge the Difficulty**

The first step in coping with grief at the holidays is to acknowledge that the first holiday season is difficult. The holidays may bring emotional, relational, physical, and spiritual challenges. You can prepare for it by making specific plans and obtaining the support you need.

**Set Realistic Expectations**

Understand your limitations and establish achievable expectations for yourself. Don’t let others dictate how you should feel or what actions you should take.

**Flexibility in Responding to Invitations**

Be open to flexibility when responding to invitations; it’s okay to say no or to give a soft yes if you are uncertain.

**Take a Chance on Togetherness**

Be open to being with family and friends, acknowledging that though it may be challenging, it can also be rewarding and comforting.

**Incorporate Your Husband’s Memory**

Light a memorial candle to include your husband in the holiday. Prepare his favorite holiday dish or candy. The first Christmas following my husband’s death, I made ornaments for each family member from the flannel shirts he wore.

**Embrace Memories**

Take time to indulge in the memories and allow yourself to express emotions freely.

**Embrace Tough Emotions**

Accept that experiencing difficult emotions during the holidays is normal; allow yourself to feel them without resistance. When emotions overwhelm you, find solace in God’s presence.

“Come to me, all of you who are weary… I will give you rest.”
Matthew 11:28-29 (NLT)

**Turn to God in Prayer as a Source of Strength **

You do not need to carry this burden alone. Run to God in prayer!

“God is our refuge and strength, an ever-present help in trouble…”
Psalm 46:1-3, 7 (NIV)

** Remember to Breathe**

All of these are excellent and highly recommended suggestions, but the one I found just as helpful, but often never mentioned, was remembering to breathe.

I don’t remember when I discovered this necessary tool in my grief journey but what I do remember is the overwhelming relief I felt both physically and emotionally. It was like a weight had been lifted off of me! It was at that moment that I realized I was going through my day barely breathing. They call it shallow breathing.

During times of grief, it is important to consciously make an effort to breathe deeply. When we slowly inhale through the nose and slowly exhale through the mouth, our oxygen supply to the brain is increased, promoting relaxation, tension reduction, and overall stress relief.

**Recognizing the Signs**

Simple things like remembering to breathe can have profound effects on our emotional and physical well-being during the challenging time of grief. Be aware of your breathing pattern. When you feel the onset of anxiety, stress, or fatigue from grief, take an immediate break to breathe deeply.

It is no coincidence that breathing is not only important and necessary but it is the very reason we are alive.

**Biblical Significance of Breathing**

In the original Hebrew, God’s name was YHWH—translated in English as LORD.

“God said to Moses, ‘I AM WHO I AM … Say this to the people of Israel: “The LORD, the God of your fathers, the God of Abraham, the God of Isaac, and the God of Jacob, has sent me to you.” This is my name forever, and thus I am to be remembered throughout all generations’”
Exodus 3:14-15

Bible commentators explain that the four Hebrew letters of YHWH are aspirated consonants – breathing sounds. So saying God’s very name was like taking a breath. “YH” made the sound of an inhale, and “WH” sounded like an exhale.

**He is the Breath of Life**

With a mere word from God the sun, the moon, the ocean, sea creatures, and land animals were created. In contrast, God intentionally breathed life into us via His own breath! (Genesis 2:7)

Always remember that God is YHWH. He has the power to breathe new life and a peace that surpasses all understanding into your mind, body, and spirit today.

Dear LORD, as we grieve the loss of our husbands, remind us that we were created by Your very breath and by Your will. Help us to remember that You are our breath of life. With that truth, help us to also remember to breathe deeply and to allow Your peace to fill us with comfort as we grieve. Amen.