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Blessed are the peacemakers, for they will be called children of God.
Matthew 5:9 (NIV)

The gift that keeps on giving

Widowhood is the gift that keeps on giving, so to speak. In addition to losing one of the most important relationships in our life, our other relationships may be at risk. Sometimes it is family. It can be blended families who think there is no reason to continue the relationship. It may be blood relatives caught up in their own grief. Without our loved ones, the family may seem to no longer work or be able to come together.

Other times it can be close friends. Maybe you spent your time with other couples and now you are no longer included in the group get-togethers. Or perhaps because of your circumstances, you have moved to another city. After a major move, it can be difficult to maintain long-distance friendships.

We can also lose friends because we are too sad or too tired. The effort needed to make a friendship work may be beyond our present capabilities. Or our friends may struggle with being around us. They may not be able to face that someday they have to walk this path as well. It may seem unfair but we all have our own struggles to work through. And sometimes we feel like we can’t do one more thing.

Perhaps hurtful or inconsiderate words were exchanged, and no one seems to be able to extend grace or forgiveness.

Loss upon loss

And sometimes it is all of these things happening at once or one after another. I know in my journey I’ve been surprised by some of these challenges. While it has been painful to deal with – it has also helped me grow more like Christ. Over time it has become easier to get to a better place quicker. I am by no means perfect, but I do know the One who is. If you are dealing with any of this, please know that you are not alone. Two years ago, a survey of our readers with 551 responses showed that 53% reported their relationships were not where they wanted them to be.

Unfortunately, some of these relationships won’t survive. The end of the relationship may be initiated by them or it may be initiated by us. Whatever the reason, no matter who initiates it, it is often incredibly painful to deal with these additional losses. Grief is compounded by layer upon layer of loss. So what can we do?

Trust God

It may sound too simple, like when you were a child in Sunday School and learned that the answer to any question was always “Jesus”. But as an adult, I’ve learned that every response needs to start with “Trust God”. Not just at a surface level but to the very core of our being. When I encounter one of these “challenges” in my relationships, I remind myself that there is more going on than I can see. I am not required to “fix it”. Because I love God and He loves me, I am required to seek Him. To obey His commands. To Love others (no if, ands, or buts as my mother used to say). So that His will, which is perfect, pleasing, and acceptable will be done.

Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is—his good, pleasing, and perfect will.
Romans 12:2 (NIV)

Love and forgiveness

One thing I have learned in my journey is to embrace and treasure the opportunities to forgive. Forgiveness is the ultimate culmination of the fruit of the Spirit at work in us. It is proof that God is transforming us into His likeness. When we choose to forgive someone we are perfectly aligned with His will. God is ultimately glorified by our obedience. It is an incredible opportunity for others to experience God’s love in the flesh. What a beautiful thing to witness and be a part of! It may not yield the instant results/solution that we desire but that should not diminish for a moment our gratitude for what God is doing.

Love, forgiveness, repeat. Keep an open heart and mind that God can work through. Trust God with every fiber of your being. Live in that peace that surpasses all understanding. For blessed are the peacemakers, for they will be called the children of God.