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Bear one another’s burdens, and so fulfill the law of Christ.
Galatians 6:2 (ESV)

When your world is turned upside down, you have no choice but to ask for help!

From the moment the state troopers showed up at my door to tell me my husband had been killed I needed help. I was leading a bible study in my home when the troopers showed up. My instinct to care for others immediately kicked in but I knew I couldn’t do it. I called my pastor and he immediately came over. But that was just the beginning. The amount of help we need in the beginning is staggering. But God is bigger than the need, bigger than the pain, and bigger than the loss of our husbands.

I am forever grateful that God had me so tightly woven into the body of Christ. The support given in love by my church was beyond anything I could have imagined or asked for. I know that is not everyone’s experience. To this day the blessings I received continue to motivate me to encourage others to be faithful in being an active part of God’s church. We cannot do this life alone, and we certainly can’t face death alone; we were created to be in fellowship with God and with the body of Christ.

Carefully, move forward one step at a time.

At first, the grief is overwhelming and exhausting. And those words don’t even begin to describe what it really feels like. In my situation, I had to deal with two years of legal cases that were incredibly tough. In other situations it can be exhaustion from caregiving, immediate financial implications, or many other things. No death is easy. We all need help. But we also have to adapt to our new circumstances. Step by step we have to learn how to move forward.

We learn to move forward emotionally, mentally, physically, and spiritually.

I asked for help from counselors, Stephen ministers and friends to move forward emotionally. One of the best lessons I learned was that if I was faithful with meeting my Stephen minister every week to talk things out, it helped prevent the spill out of emotions bottled up too long.

Mentally, I learned to ask friends to go to meetings with me because I had a limited ability to absorb new information. By taking them with me it prevented additional problems from cropping up because of my inability to handle things. I even asked one of my trusted friends to pay my bills for me (from my bank account) the first few months so that I didn’t miss any payments. As soon as I was able to I resumed that responsibility.

Physically, I asked friends to take me to the doctor to get a check up. My body was reacting wildly to all the stress. After the doctor had checked me out, it gave me peace of mind about what I was experiencing. It reduced additional worry not only for myself but also for my family and friends. Research has shown that there is a 27% increase of death in widows during the first year. (Article used as source). It is so important that we take care of ourselves physically. Doctors recommend eating well, getting 6 -8 hours of sleep a night and moderate exercise (30 minutes of walking per day). Ask others to help you accomplish these goals or to hold you accountable in achieving these goals.

Growing spiritually through grief.

James 1:2-4 (NIV) tells us:

Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.

If we know God’s word to be true then we know that this trial will produce perseverance. But it is sooo hard to persevere on our own! We need the help of others who have gone before us. When we are too weak to even read our Bibles we need others to pour God’s truth into us!

We need encouragement to finish the race strong! Maybe our challenge is to forgive someone during this difficult season. We may need to ask for help spiritually through prayer, Bible study, or counseling to be obedient in forgiving others. It may feel so hard but it will yield beautiful fruit. Leading us to move to the next stage becoming mature and complete – not lacking anything!

Honor God throughout the journey!

As we grow, we honor God, as long as we are not doing it in our own strength. We honor God when others see Him in us, not when we show how strong we are. Don’t let pride misguide you. It is about Him not you. God is glorified when the body of Christ works together as it was designed to do. I recently talked to a friend of mine who is very diligent about exercising and she shared with me that she was starting to have serious back pain because she exercised too much. Her doctor told her she had over developed some muscles causing the core muscles that support her back to become weak. I instantly thought what a great reminder that is for our spiritual body as well. We need all members of the body to be working.

Helpful things to think about.

So instead of thinking, I don’t want to ask for help…

remind yourself that you are allowing another part of the body to work so it can (through the power of the Holy Spirit) get stronger.

And instead of thinking, I’m broken, I can’t do anything…

remind yourself that you too are a valuable member of the body of Christ! You need to be doing your part. Ask God to lead you on how you can help the body. Maybe it’s through prayer or maybe it’s through sharing your story with others so they can see God’s faithfulness. Or maybe it’s simply to cry and share your feelings so that others will seek God on your behalf. Perhaps it is to encourage others to be in community or to be there to comfort others as they face death.

Whatever way God uses you, remember it has eternal significance and is for His glory! And all God’s children said Amen.