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February 1957

On this day 65 years ago the world was introduced to Victor Dean Hakes. I don’t know any of his birth numbers but I know this…the world is a better place because he lived!

October 1991

Vic and his three children are seated in booth 5 at the restaurant where I worked. Seated facing the dining hall, I couldn’t help but notice him and his bright blue eyes and friendly smile. It was love at first sight! Through a mutual acquaintance we exchanged phone numbers and the rest, as they say, is history.

February 1992

Just four and a half months later we were married in the country church I attended as a child. With our five children by our side at the altar and family and friends in the pews, we promised to love and to cherish one another until “death do us part”. But until then there would be countless memories made, stories to tell and pictures to take!

We celebrated birthdays and graduations and watched as our four daughters married and had children. We enjoyed traveling to Hawaii and Texas to visit our daughter and family. The Fourth of July meant trips to Maryland crabbing on the bay with his cousin. There were hunting excursions with his son and Penn State basketball games. We celebrated the birth of ten grandchildren and mourned as we lost family and friends too soon.

March 2016

Little did we know that death would indeed part us just 24 years later. Without hesitation, I can say this was the hardest day of my life. My sweet husband had checked into the local in-patient hospice unit just two days earlier. The cancer had taken its toll and his body was wearing out from the battle. I watched as he hung on as family and friends said their goodbyes. Then on that Thursday morning, he gazed into my eyes and took his last breath. I so desperately wanted to tell him “No, don’t go” but at that moment I realized he was looking Jesus in the face and I knew I couldn’t ask him to stay.

Some would say this is the day our ‘forever’ ended

Honestly, for a while, I agreed. I felt cheated of all the years we didn’t get to have together. There were more memories yet to be made! And then one day a friend said to me, “You can either be angry because of the years you don’t have together or you can be grateful for the years you did have.” I can’t say it immediately changed my perspective but it started me on a journey in the right direction.

February 2022

As I write this article and reflect on these meaningful dates, some of which are approaching, I am choosing to be grateful for the years I had with my sweet husband, the memories of good times, and for the man he was; for what he left behind.

Vic didn’t have a lot of worldly possessions to leave behind but he left us all something more valuable than any earthly inheritance.

He left us his legacy!

The legacy of heroes is the memory of a great name and the inheritance of a great example. (Benjamin Disraeli)

He left us a legacy of kindness, forgiveness, joy, a servant’s heart, a strong work ethic, and generosity. But the greatest example he left us was a surrendered life to God!

And because of that surrendered life, our forever didn’t end on March 3, 2016. We will spend forever together as part of the bride of Christ! And for that, I can say:

This is the day that the Lord has made, let us rejoice and be glad in it.
Psalm 118:24 (NIV)

As I walk down memory lane with a thankful heart somehow I feel my husband is right there with me and I don’t feel so lost anymore!

I don’t begin to know what your grief journey looks like. But I believe there comes a time when it becomes a matter of perspective. Will we live in regret and anger or will we live in gratitude and honor of the one we loved?

Lord,

These days are hard for sure. I don’t make light of any of them. But I thank You that You gave us whatever time we were blessed with to spend with our dear husbands. So, Lord, I pray You will change our perspective and grant us an attitude of gratitude! Amen