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For everything there is a season, and a time for every matter under heaven…
Ecclesiastes 3:1 (ESV)

There is something glorious about the fall season.

Perhaps it is the crisp fall air, pumpkin spice lattes, or the glorious array of colors from falling leaves. I wait patiently after the darkness of winter for the beauty of spring to immerge, beginnings and endings. I can’t help but think life is similar, endings and beginnings, the birth of a child or the death of a loved one.

As I enter into another fall season, I mourn the loss of a precious friend, mentor, and my personal cheerleader. Yesterday I attended a fitting tribute to a beautiful woman. Even while celebrating her life, I wept knowing I could no longer meet her for coffee or phone her for advice.

Her life may have ended here but began again in heaven, a most amazing place– I can only imagine it is spring there all the time! As I reflected on the many conversations we have had for over eighteen years, she taught me to live with intention, to know that anything is possible with faith in God. I will miss her crazy laughter and the words spoken out of a heart of love for me. She affirmed and challenged me! I remember distinctly one conversation where she said, “Remember Whose you are and how beautiful He created you to be. All things are possible, don’t forget His promises, He knows you and He knows your needs, trust that.”

Death triggers us.

It brought back some painful memories of my own loss of being a young widow with two small children to raise. I was not prepared to become a widow let alone a single parent. I was their refuge from the fear of losing another parent and reassuring them that everything would be okay.

As I enter again into this season of mourning, I remember God is my refuge and safe place.

I have found my faith again in unfair circumstances, faith that keeps me sane and safe. Death changes us but it has taught me there was a greater purpose, greater than I could have ever thought was possible.

Like fall, I didn’t see that a new life had been planted underneath, waiting for the birth once again of spring and new beginnings. Beautiful blossoms, gorgeous sunrises and sunsets, or of better days and healed hearts yet to come.

I learned through this journey that the power of God’s redemption alone heals and restores the most broken hearts and lives. I have traveled roads of darkness and despair, my messy and broken life has had many twists and turns. Storms that I hadn’t chosen and seasons I would have loved to skip over. I would rather have spring when at times it felt like the darkness and coldness of winter. I wanted to dance and rejoice, anything rather than death. I have learned whatever season we are in, we cannot rush into the next one.

Grief and sorrow are part of the process of healing and redemption.

I may never hear my husband’s voice again or hear him say that everything will be okay, at least not on this side of eternity. But I take courage in my journey knowing fully and confidently that my God of refuge holds me in the palm of His mighty hand.

The Lord is my rock and my fortress and my deliverer, my God, my rock in whom I take refuge, my shield, and the horn of my salvation, my stronghold.
Psalm 18:2 (ESV)

My faith has grown and taught me, that regardless of how much I may not have wanted to walk through the dark valleys of despair, I have experienced my greatest growth in knowing that God will never leave me (Hebrews 13:5).

I learned that grief is lifelong, like waves of a tide.

It can hit you so suddenly and leave you reeling, as it has with me more than once. But I have also learned to ride those waves and give myself some much-needed moments to feel the grief. I will always hold my loved ones close to my heart, but I understand there will be times when those memories will be felt deep within my very soul. Weddings, anniversaries. birthdays, and celebrations often move me to tears.

With each season now, I experience joy, savoring each moment knowing that another season is just around the corner.

Death changes us– it expands us to become so much more compassionate for others that are grieving, or it can shrink our souls leaving us full of bitterness and anger. I never thought in those moments that seemed endless, like fall and winter, God was preparing me for another spring.

Shalom