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For I consider that the sufferings of this present time are not worth comparing with the glory that is to be revealed to us.
Romans 8:18 (ESV)

I have to admit that in the beginning it was very hard to wrap my mind around this verse. Our sufferings of this present time are not worth comparing? When I first read it after becoming a widow, everything in me wanted to scream: Do you know how much this hurts?

When time changed

Before I was a widow, I had no idea how intense the pain would be or how long it would last. Almost instantly when my husband was killed, even time felt different. I sorted everything into one of two categories: before Dave died or since Dave died. And those two categories became synonymous: (before) when I was happy, and (after) when life was awful. I couldn’t hear someone mention a vacation, a holiday, or a family celebration without mentally sorting it into “before” or “after.” I felt like I had died too, but my body was still walking around like an empty shell. My mind could not even begin to conceive that I would ever be happy or functioning again. Have you felt this way on your journey? Do you have a hard time imagining, like I did, that you could ever be happy again?

Shifting perspectives

At first I wasn’t thinking about being happy; I just wanted to be functional again. My response to going through trauma has always been to try and “manage” it so I can get through it as quickly as possible. When Dave died, that was my initial response. I decided to schedule a counseling session with a biblical counselor one month after becoming a widow. I walked into the session with a list of all the actions I had taken and was planning to take to manage my grief “well”. To her credit, she did not laugh at me. Unfortunately, I was hyper-focused on what I thought needed to happen and did not respond well to her suggestions.

After struggling for months to do grief “well”, I realized my plans were not going to work. I was beyond exhausted and finally gave up trying to control everything. Not because I wanted to, but because I had nothing left.

I had finally reached the end of me.

Only then did my perspective start to change, and instead of desperately trying to do things my way, I allowed God to work. The way He intended. The best way. For my healing and His glory.

I didn’t notice the change overnight. It happened little by little as I stopped striving and started trusting.

God is good

Looking back, surrender wasn’t the end of my journey—it was the beginning of seeing God differently. As I started to focus more on what God was doing instead of trying to manage my grief, I began to relax. And as I relaxed, I began to see some of the blessings that were happening. Like the friend who told me how much her faith had grown by seeing how God was working in my journey. And the way God paved the way for me to become a part of the AWM team so that I could encourage other widows. Over and over again, God blessed me. But the biggest blessing of all has been how my relationship with Him has grown.

Because of this journey, I have a better understanding of His love for everyone, myself included. Each step of the way, I saw His provision and care for me. Not just the things I needed but sweet, special gifts to show His love. Like the way He connected Dave to the birth of each of my grandchildren so that I felt like we were still connected. God also provided new widow friends to walk alongside me to encourage me. In so many ways, God showed His personal love for me, in addition to showing His goodness to others around me. Seeing His goodness in action changes everything for all eternity. Now, when I look back, I am able to focus on the eternal perspective and God’s goodness. Once I began seeing His goodness, I couldn’t look at my suffering the same way again.

I still miss Dave, but I know that it is only temporary. All of the blessings that God has woven through this journey will last forever. I had originally read Romans 8:18 thinking only about the suffering. Years later, I finally understood Paul was inviting me to compare that suffering with eternity—not with the life I wished I still had.

For I consider that the sufferings of this present time are not worth comparing with the glory that is to be revealed to us.
Romans 8:18 (ESV)

Sisters, I know many of you are new in your journey, and the pain is overwhelming. One day you’ll discover what I did—that God’s glory doesn’t erase our suffering, but it changes how we see it. God is who He says He is, and He is faithful!

Dear God,

Thank You so much for loving us beyond what we can even comprehend. Thank You for making Yourself known to us. Help us to have peace as You work all things together for good! Thank You for all the blessings that are yet to come. In Jesus’ name. Amen.