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“Show me Your ways, Lord, teach me Your paths. Guide me in Your truth and teach me, for You are God my Savior, and my hope is in You all day long”
Psalm 25:4-5 (NIV)

In 2016, long before the death of my husband, Kevin, our family had a falling out. Along the journey toward reconciliation, God asked a series of questions that helped me focus on His guidance, proving that He is, indeed, my hope all day long and His truth applies to all situations. I was crushed by the family discord, but the lessons God taught me then, are helping me navigate the journey now, through grief and the loss of my husband.

A Little Background

The last meaningful time my family spent together was Mother’s Day, May 8, 2016. After that, obstacles came in quick succession as I endured several medical issues. When I realized our family was not spending time together, I cried every day. I knew God was walking with me through the sadness and allowing me to experience grief, but He always let me know He was there, offering comfort, peace, and love.

God’s First Question

One day, God asked, “Sandee, will you be still, be quiet, and wait for Me to bring the victory?” I dried my tears (well, most of them) and said, “Yes, Lord. I will do that.” It was extremely difficult because I am a “fixer.” I want to fix broken things. I learned the hard way that running ahead of God rarely results in favorable outcomes.

During and after Kevin’s illness, I found myself amidst a whirlwind of activities. I ran from one thing to the next, exhausted and out of sorts most days. I heard the familiar question, “Will you be still …?” My answer was an immediate, “Yes, Lord.” And the relief was also immediate.

“Be still, and know that I am God …”
Psalm 46:10a (NIV)

God’s Second Question

After I settled down and decided to wait for God, He asked, “Sandee, [isn’t it funny how He calls you by name when He wants your attention?] Will you abide in Me?” I said, “Lord, I thought I was doing that already.” I got this picture of an out-of-control child, forced to sit still, wrapped tightly in her parents’ arms. The child was waiting, not for the victory to come, but for the parent to lose his grip. Then I got a picture of a child snuggled calmly in her parent’s lap, her head resting on his shoulder. God asked, “Do you see the difference?” I said, “Yes, Lord. I will abide in You.”

Abiding in God was a tremendous blessing when life felt overwhelming throughout Kevin’s illness. We bounced from doctors to Emergency Rooms to hospitals and back home, only to repeat this pattern several times. Abiding and resting in God made the days easier to walk through.

“Abide in Me, … apart from Me you can do nothing”
John 15:4-5 (NASB1995)

God’s Third Question

At this point in my journey through family discord, I felt confident I was doing what God had asked of me: be still, be quiet, wait, and abide. Then God asked, “Sandee, if you never see another victory in this temporal, mortal life, is the one I have already secured for you enough?” I was absolutely stunned! I stammered, “You mean, Lord, if my family never reconciles? Isn’t that the victory for which I am being still, waiting, and abiding?” I had to think about it. I prayed. I cried. I read Scripture. I tried to think through the implications of such a question … not a single other victory in this temporal, mortal life? I may never have been able to answer God’s question if I only considered the first part. So, I changed my focus to the second part … is the victory He has already secured for me enough? Resoundingly, I said, “Yes, Lord. The victory over death, eternal life with You, secured by Your Son Jesus, is enough for me” —and the rest followed— “even if I never see another victory in this temporal, mortal life.”

God’s third question closely aligns with walking through the illness and death of my husband. I can say, without doubt or hesitation, even if I never got to spend another day in this temporal, mortal life with Kevin, the eternal victory God secured for us is more than enough to praise, thank, and worship Him now and forever. Because of this victory, we can hope in God our Savior all day long.

“But thanks be to God! He gives us the victory through our Lord Jesus Christ”
1 Corinthians 15:57 (NIV)

God’s Answers

The spiritual growth I experienced in these last ten years is greater than in any other period of my life, and while it comes at great cost, it is worth it because I fellowship with God more closely, hear Him more clearly, treasure His Word more deeply, love Jesus more intensely, and discern the guidance of His Holy Spirit more keenly. And one day, I will see Kevin again.

Dear Heavenly Father, help me to abide faithfully in You and to practice intentionally the truth that You are my hope in every situation. You are the center of every story, and nothing You teach me is ever wasted. Amen.

If you are struggling with hearing God or understanding how God speaks to you, reach out to an AWM team member at admin@widowsmight.org.