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My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever.
Psalm 73:26 (NIV)

As widows we know suffering, no one has to explain it.

We’re forced to reconstruct our life while standing bewildered in the middle of a whole new ball field.

The game has changed, we don’t know the rules, and we have no idea where the ball is. It’s confusing to have everyone in the stands watching, expecting us to be skilled and athletic when we are out of shape from the exhaustion of getting up every morning, alone.

The loss of a husband is one of the most painful emotional states. On the Life Event Stress Scale, Death of a Spouse ranks a score of 100, the highest possible point value assigned in the quiz. I understand why, and I’m sure you do as well.

I’ve struggled for a long time wondering why I was the one picked for the ‘widow-team.’ I never liked the uniforms and didn’t want to imagine living without my husband. But life has a way of providing new exit ramps. We master the twists and turns by staying in our lane and moving forward. God marks a new highway one mile at a time.

Can we mature in our faith and discover a rod of peace that keeps us from collapse?

I’ve discovered the answer is, yes. There is a treasure buried inside suffering, and only those who have eyes to look for it will see the brilliance our heavenly father exposes through deep grief. God doesn’t promise to bring back what death or loss has taken from us, but He promises to restore us.

When asking for healing for our spouse, we become the miracle instead. God answers that prayer by giving us His touch to survive the loss. That touch can turn into a river of blessing we then pour out and share with others. In that sense, we’ve been given a gift.

We have the ability to look into the eyes of another sufferer and have compassion because we have sipped from the same cup.

Journaling is a way to spill out a broken heart onto paper. It helps to have a safe place to unload the fears and disappointments. This type of writing doesn’t need to have correct spelling, grammar, or even make sense. No one need read it, not even you if you don’t want to. You may never have written more than a birthday card, and journal writing can become a welcome outlet.

It’s surprising what thoughts and feelings are roaming around inside your head and heart, just waiting for a soft place to land.

A journal page can be that place. God’s voice can show up in your writing and help you mine for the purpose He has set aside for this season in your life. I like to take a scripture and copy it at the top of the page. Then I put my pen to paper and just write about it. I can ask the paper questions, wonder about things, look for meaning and pray for understanding, all while filling a page with my words.

Pick up a notebook and give journal writing a try.

Let’s Pray: Thank You for knowing my broken heart and being inside my suffering. I know You are near, even when I can’t feel You. Teach me of the treasure this suffering will produce for Your glory. Amen.