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Whatever you do, work heartily, as for the Lord and not for men.
Colossians 3:23 (ESV)

Do you ever feel like it’s time to leave your “widow card” tucked away?

The “widow card” is that imaginary “business card” you sometimes “pull out” when you need help.

Of course, we should never be afraid to ask for help. But eventually, as we grow in our journey, we begin to shift our accountability back to ourselves.

I remember a few years into my journey without Tom when that shift began to happen.

I had simply had enough of everything in my home breaking. Each time, one of my friends’ husbands would drop everything and offer to help. I was grateful and accepted the help. This time I had two things break at the same time!

When the dishwasher broke, I shrugged and thought to myself, at least the Lord gave me four helpful children who love to make a game out of dishes. But when the garbage disposal decided to join the dishwasher in its strike, I was at a loss.

I stared a the stopped up sink, and it stared back. I don’t have time for this! I thought. I have errands to run!

That thought came from somewhere in my brain where it was written that men take care of broken things–the same part of my brain that believed the appliances in the home were all just supposed to work, like it did before.

Before Tom died.

Husbands just seem to handle those things. When something breaks, they fix it, by golly, and they don’t give up until it works, even if it means pulling out the duct tape or replacing the dumb thing.

Without my honey to do my “honey-do” list, items just lingered in disrepair.

Like the mess in the kitchen sink. I had no clue what to do. I was afraid to stick my hand down the drain where the disposer blades were, and I had no clue why the dishwasher wouldn’t work.

Why did You let this happen to me? That cry to God went unanswered.

So what do you think I did? Of course… a band-aid!

I bailed the water and washed the dishes in the bathroom, still contemplating whom to show my widow card to so that I can get all of this fixed!

What was a widow to do? No man to lead in repairs. And don’t bother showing your “widow card” to repairmen–some of which might see it as an invitation to raise their prices! And even well-meaning repairmen would sometimes talk circles around me until I paid them exorbitant fees just to get them to leave and be done with it all.

I’m just not going to think about that today, I told myself, digging into my stash of paper plates for a week before the smell from the stuck disposal practically screamed that something needed to be done.

That’s when I finally stopped to study the situation, and guess what I discovered?

It seemed I had a switch on the wall that shut off the electric to both the dishwasher and disposal!

In Colossians 3 Paul describes the role of the bondservant–to work hard as you would for Him. “Whatever you do, work heartily, as for the Lord and not for men.” (Col 3:23). It occurred to me that now that I was no longer a wife to my husband. I was the de facto head of my household, and part of owning that role was a bondservant to the Lord. And if I were to be the proper bondservant, I was to give it my all, including taking responsibility for the repairs.

If that meant understanding how a disposal works, I would do so cheerfully and with a heart for God Himself.

Once I shifted that attitude, my “widow card” stays mostly in my pocket. I trust God for the resources and abilities to tackle more projects around the home.

Maybe you will always need to hold on to that widow card. Not all of us have resources to tackle big jobs. But simply being aware of our roles shifting towards more accountability doesn’t need to overwhelm us, but only lead to a more gracious leaning on our Lord.

Father God, would you speak to each widow and help her know whether she needs to own the accountability for her repairs on her own a bit more? Help her know when she really is able to handle something on her own, and please give her Your reassurance that You have her in the palm of You hands. Amen.