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“My ears had heard of you but now my eyes have seen you.”
Job 42:5 NIV

Why, God?

Why?

Why him?

Why cancer?

Why now?

I must have asked God a thousand why questions as I lamented to Him in my grief. My husband’s death made no sense to me. It was just so unfair. I just wanted to know why as if knowing the reason would make it easier. In my finite thinking I was sure a logical explanation would make sense of his death and the pain I was struggling so intensely to endure.

I was sure that if God would only give me a reason I would feel better.

I am a processor. I like to … no, I need to… talk through things. It’s just how my brain works. So I can relate to Job in the Bible. He, too, needed to process the events in his life, which included the loss of his ten sons and daughters, his servants and his entire livestock all in one day. Days later God allowed Job to be afflicted with painful sores all over his body. As a God-fearing upright man, he didn’t understand his suffering and he asked God why. And he didn’t just ask once. He asked Him sixteen times!

But sixteen times God did not answer.

God did, however, have a few questions for Job.

“Brace yourself like a man; I will question you, and you shall answer me.”
Job 38:3 (NIV)

This may sound like God was being harsh with Job, but what I believe God was intending to do was to give Job a majestic description of His power and love!

Job never got an answer for why he was suffering but what he did get was much more valuable.

He got a new perspective of himself and God, which led to a deeper, more intimate relationship with God! And, ultimately, it erased the need for an answer to his questions.

And that was what I was finding to be true for myself.

Like Job, I tried to get answers by processing with friends. Although they always gave me wise counsel and continually pointed me to God, I still struggled. Something was missing.

Did I truly trust God?

Was it just head knowledge?

Did I truly believe He was sovereign?

Had I forgotten His faithfulness in the past?

Those were the questions God was asking me.

Before my husband’s death, I thought I knew God and trusted Him. But now I was being challenged to examine what I truly believed.

God’s questions deserved an answer. To begin my healing I needed to answer those questions for myself as well. As I spent time in His Word and lamented to Him in prayer, He revealed to me who He was, His character and His love for me in new and fresh ways that filled the hole in my heart left by my husband’s death.

I never got answers to my questions, but that’s okay because what I got was of much greater value…an intimate relationship with my heavenly Father!

Like Job, I had now SEEN God!

Father, would You open the eyes of our hearts that we may see You afresh today. May we learn to be ok with our unanswered questions because You are sovereign overall and therefore, we can trust You. Draw us to Your Word and to Your throne of grace in prayer that we may find healing and peace for our troubled minds. Amen