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Why am I still here?

It’s the question that creeps into our minds repeatedly, for months on end.

Our identity as someone’s wife has been stripped away, leaving us broken to the point we feel unrecognizable. The grief engulfs our very essence, like never-ending waves. We feel like we are being tossed about as if in the ocean during a catastrophic hurricane. When we are finally able to lift our heads and gasp for our very breath we ask once again; why am I still here?

We desperately search for comfort in everything from smelling his pillowcase to wearing his wedding ring around our necks. But the respite is temporary at best, and the loss is still beyond what our hearts can bear. We know there is only one true source of comfort and healing. As we begin to heal we shift our focus from what has been lost to why we are here.

As recorded in John 17:1-26, Jesus, after being tortured, scourged, and beaten, prayed for us in the very hour of His death. While enduring pain beyond comprehension, He prayed these words, clarifying our purpose – in no uncertain terms.

that they may all be one, just as you, Father, are in me, and I in you, that they also may be in us,so that the world may believe that you have sent me.
John 17:21 ESV

Our purpose is clear.

We are His witness that God sent Him. Our very lives are living proof as He lives in us and we in Him. One with the Father and the Son. We are His presence here on earth so that the world may come to know and believe in God’s love for them. You don’t have to look very far to see we are desperately needed. Our purpose supersedes any other we could possibly imagine or hope for!

I also find hope in what He modeled. He modeled that even in the midst of unbelievable pain and suffering, we are to bear witness of God’s love. Just as He did. This time in our lives does not have to be wasted. Even on our darkest days, we are His testimony of God’s love.

Our purpose is secure. Our foundation is firm. His presence is in us.

We never walk this journey alone.

As this pandemic has rolled on month after month, there have been numerous days where I have not spoken to another human being. I have struggled to try and make good use of the time, to get organized, clean out closets, lose weight, etc. On more than one occasion, as I have climbed into bed at night, I have thought, if I had died today no one would have known. Faithfully, the Holy Spirit nudges me and reminds me, my days on this earth are numbered but my life is everlasting. My purpose of being on this earth is so that the world may believe:

“For God so loved the world, that he gave his only Son, that whoever believes in him should not perish but have eternal life.”
John 3:16 ESV

Dear Sisters, breathe in His truth: Because of Him, you are the Hope of this world, that is why you are here!