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Last week a reader wrote, “Is it true the second year is the hardest? If so, I don’t know how I am going to make it.“ As soon as I read those words I was right back there, feeling those very same feelings.

Grief is much more difficult than people imagine.

I remember like it was yesterday, trying to “plan” how I was going to get through the first holidays after my husband’s death in September. I wasn’t able to attend Griefshare, but I did get the opportunity to watch a video called “Surviving the Holidays”. It was the first time I heard from those who had walked this journey before me, how difficult the second, third and fourth Christmases were. I can still feel those emotions that welled up inside my heart when I heard those words. I felt exactly like the reader from last week: “I don’t know how I am going to make it”.

Like many others, I was so unprepared for how devastating grief is from the loss of my dear husband. I had no idea to what degree it would affect me physically, mentally or emotionally. Or how long I would struggle to just do simple everyday tasks. I didn’t know that the second year would in some ways seem harder than the first. Nor did I know that as time went on I would experience an increasing pressure to be “better” both from my own expectations and also the expectations of others. Life became a battle for survival, more intense than anything I had ever imagined or been told. Who would I be, once I learned to live with the pain?

In our society we tend to have an expectation for everyone to bear their own burdens and to pull themselves up by their bootstraps – so to speak. We aren’t comfortable with people talking about pain so by default we tend to encourage people to not talk about it. To suffer in silence.

As a Christ follower, I have to ask myself what happens if we respond to grief in this way?

We miss a huge opportunity to help prepare people for something most of us will experience at some time in our life and we miss an even bigger opportunity to share where our hope comes from.

Our hope is in Christ.

But in your hearts honor Christ the Lord as holy, always being prepared to make a defense to anyone who asks you for a reason for the hope that is in you; yet do it with gentleness and respect.
1 Peter 3:15 ESV

Hope is mentioned in the scriptures 151 times (ESV version) appearing most often in the Psalms (26 times) and secondly in the book of Job (17 times). In my opinion, this confirms that when times get tough, that’s when we tend to search for what we can really cling to.

So how can we help others and glorify God in these circumstances?

It is so important to share the pain. To not hide it or gloss over it, to not perpetuate the lie that we have to carry our burdens alone. Share the pain, not for our own relief but as a blessing for others. They need to know! If we truly love them as we are called to do, we will kindly, gently, help them learn from our circumstances and hopefully help them benefit by focusing on what is eternally significant.

And as Christ followers we will not only share the pain, we will share our hope, our faith and our stories of God’s faithfulness.

Because we know death will come – and without Christ there is no hope.

Heavenly Father, we are so grateful that our hope is secure in You! We praise You for loving us and carrying us through all of the pain! Help us minister to others by sharing the pain and where our Hope comes from! Let our words honor and glorify You! In Your Son’s holy and precious name . Amen.