{{item.title | uppercase}}

I’m not sure people realize how many plates widows juggle on a daily basis.

I am now in charge of many things I am not qualified to handle – such as vehicle maintenance and HVAC repairs. Sometimes these tasks that took my husband minutes can suck up my entire day.

However, God showed me recently that He uses even these small frustrations to shape us into who He wants us to be.

Last week, I needed to fix a slow leak on my daughter’s car. My plan was to drive it to Discount Tire and let them fix it, but the air was leaking out faster than I realized. Before I even reached the exit to my neighborhood, I had to turn around and come home.

Before my son left for college, he taught me how to use an air compressor to inflate tires.

“No big deal,” I thought, “I can do this.”

However, I could not do this. I spent the next 45 minutes trying to get air in this one tire. At one point, the hose popped off the tire so hard and so loud that for a split second I thought I had blown myself up!

This resulted in a huge shot of adrenaline that made me instantly want to throw up. If anyone was watching, I’m sure it was quite comical.

If Ryan were still here, this would not have been an issue.

But here I was, alone, trying to make sense of tools that people easily use every day, and also trying not to seem like a crazy woman sitting on the ground in my driveway crying and throwing up in full view of the world around me.

These situations can make my grief seem so fresh.

God has protected me in so many ways over the last four years since Ryan’s passing. He has guided me and walked with me through so many big decisions.

I sat there on the concrete and asked God why couldn’t He just send someone to walk by and help me?

He didn’t answer. I know He is with me. I have no doubt.

But there are many of these small tasks that I struggle with day to day. God doesn’t save me from all of them.

So, why not?

Don’t misunderstand my questioning God. He knows my heart. It’s not disrespectful. I truly want to know the answer so I can understand the lesson.

How can I make meaning out of life’s everyday struggles that take me 100 times longer to deal with than Ryan?

In my search, I found several verses, and I think I’m beginning to understand.

James 1:3 (AMP) says,

“Be assured that the testing of your faith [through experience] produces endurance [leading to spiritual maturity, and inner peace].”

And in Romans 5:3-4 (AMP), Paul says

“…but [with joy] let us exult in our sufferings and rejoice in our hardships, knowing that hardship (distress, pressure, trouble) produces patient endurance; and endurance, proven character (spiritual maturity); and proven character, hope and confident assurance [of eternal salvation].

So if I put those two verses together, our trials and struggles (through our experiences) produce endurance and inner peace.

I definitely need both of those. Life’s journey can be filled with hardships.

And this patient endurance (as Paul describes it), produces spiritual maturity and strength of character, which then produces hope and confident assurance of our salvation in Jesus.

I want God to use me in whatever way He sees fit.

So, I guess if He needs me to have patient endurance, strength of character, and confident assurance in Jesus, then occasionally, I will have to sit on the driveway and cry.

However, He also won’t leave me alone in my struggles.

My father-in-law came over and helped me air up the tire. When we got to Discount Tire, it was pouring rain, but a helpful attendant told me to wait inside while he went out and looked at the tire. And at the end of it all, the service was free.

In the future, when I struggle with these ordinary tasks that aren’t ordinary anymore, I will remember that I am developing the characteristics that God needs me to have.

Then, He can use me for His greatest glory.

Dear Jesus, Thank you for loving me so much that I can ask questions. Help me to remember that You are with me even when You don’t save me from all my struggles. Help me to continue to develop patient endurance, strength of character, and confident assurance in Your name.

Scripture quotations taken from the Amplified® Bible (AMP), Copyright © 2015 by The Lockman Foundation. Used by permission. lockman.org