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When your love is deep and rich, fluid and falling into every crevice of your life, and you become widowed, comfort is very precious.

While selling our home, so rich with memories and vacant without my beloved, I derived comfort clothing myself with his shirts. Though a poor substitute, it somehow brought him nearer to me. I drew the line at wearing them publicly, but I could have! When so many things feel wrong, finding the harmless things that feel right is a comfort. What comfort have you found?

I have a dear friend whose husband’s boots remain at the bedside where he left them. The years have gone but the boots remain.

God created the mystery of the weaving of a husband’s and wife’s life together in marriage. He knows without my better half, I am dismembered, incomplete, lacking a huge part of what made me one as wife to my husband. Now beyond five years, I have adapted and mostly feel complete. Yet still I profoundly miss my beloved’s presence and the way we leaned into each other’s strengths in doing life together.

There are wholesome, understandable and even healthy ways to derive comfort, but they will not violate God’s Word.

Otherwise, it would be like cutting off my thumb to find comfort from the pain of stubbing my toe. I may not be troubled much by my toe after that, but I’ve multiplied the pain and problem. God’s comfort does produce more pain and problems. His ways are higher and take in all we are and need. Grief is hard, but His Helper, the Holy Spirit is there for us.

From the beginning, these observations became evident:

• Pain will be my constant companion for an undetermined period.
• My wisdom may be unequal to my vulnerability, suggesting caution in actions.
• Help received from trusted others is God’s love. I remind myself people who give are blessed in the blessing they are.
• Conversing with people who knew and loved my husband comforts.

I am close to several widows whose husbands were friends to my husband and me. We knew each other’s guys. How precious to hold that shared understanding! It offers a wonderful framework for meaningful conversations together over coffee or on the run.

A little spray of his cologne on this pillow occupies the space next to me as I breathe the familiar scent each minute I sleep. It isn’t that I am trying to keep my husband here. I know he is gone, but such reminders celebrate him and all he means to me.

I can imagine our loving God shining His sweet smile upon us as we receive measures of comfort like the boots for my friend or Frank’s shirts for me. Christ came for reconciliation because separation from those He loves is so grievous. He knows grief consummately.

We are warned not to seek to hear from those gone from us, which God opposes (Deut. 18:11,12). He is our guard and our lives are in His hands. He warns too about not indulging in too much wine, or basically anything that anesthetizes (Eph. 5:18). I noticed that when the pain reached a high threshold, numbness followed. Pain fluctuated. Over time the numbness receded but not God’s grace, without which I cannot imagine this journey. Thank You, Helper!

My prayer for us:
Lord, shine on us and guide us in your comfort and may we bring comfort where you provide.