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In the first few months after my husband’s death, I kept telling my grief counselor that I felt “untethered.” That was kind of a weird word for this situation, but that’s where my brain went. I felt like the ties that held me to the earth had been cut suddenly, and I was being tossed around in the wind without a rope to hold onto.

My counselor kept telling me that it was ok to feel that way. He assured me that I wasn’t broken. He said that a lot, actually. I was a mess.

Untethered doesn’t really describe losing my husband at 42, but I wasn’t just grieving the loss of a loved one.

I was experiencing the tearing apart of something God had joined.

When God joins man and wife together, the scripture says,

“they are no longer two, but one flesh”
Matthew 19:6 (NIV)

So, husband and wife function as one unit. This union created by God reshapes you over time. Your thoughts, decisions, goals- even your sense of identity become intertwined. Losing your spouse isn’t just losing someone you loved. It is losing someone who has become part of your internal wiring.

Thus, my feelings of being untethered were justified and appropriate. I no longer felt anchored to reality. Future plans for our 50’s, 60’s and beyond just died. My expectations that Ryan would be there to support my daughter through her experience in the Aggie Band simply vanished. And my confidence that he would teach our son everything there is to know about tools and auto repair went up in smoke.

In my prayer time one morning, I was repeating this complaint to God, still feeling untethered.

He whispered to me, “I AM your tether.”

I felt that tether snap tight as I realized the profound reality of my situation. I have been tethered to the Creator of the Universe since I was seven years old. He made a covenant with me when I asked His son Jesus to forgive me of my sins, and I acknowledged Him as my Savior.

And the Lord honors His covenants. They are eternally binding – more solid than any tether to my earthly husband. God’s presence grounds me. I am His.

In Psalms 139, David praises God for being omnipresent. He knows the Lord will never leave us.

“Where can I go from your Spirit? Where can I flee from your presence? If I go up to the heavens, you are there; if I make my bed in the depths, you are there. If I rise on the wings of the dawn, if I settle on the far side of the sea, even there your hand will guide me, your right hand will hold me fast.”
Psalm 139:9-10 (NIV)

So no matter where I go or what I go through, God’s right hand will hold me.

In scripture, the right hand of God symbolizes divine protection and support as well as blessing and favor.

Since Ryan’s death, I find the most peace and comfort just sitting in God’s presence.

I must start my day with Him, or I begin to feel that my world is frantic and out of control. I read my Bible, I meditate on His word, I pray, and then I just sit still and ask Him to reveal anything He wants me to know. This is sitting in His presence. Meditating on His word, silently praising Him, and acknowledging He is with you.

I love just sitting in His presence.

And in His presence, the wounds of my heart begin to heal. My loving Father gently rewires my thoughts, decisions, goals, and my sense of identity.

If you have never felt His presence, I encourage you to seek Him out.

Jesus says:

“Here I am! I stand at the door and knock. If anyone hears my voice and opens the door, I will come in and eat with that person, and they with me."
Revelation 3:20

Read a devotional or read scripture. Then ask the Holy Spirit to sit with you and make His presence known. Meditate on a scripture or verse and quiet your mind. He wants to come to you. He wants to pull that tether tight. You just have to ask.

Heavenly Father, Thank-you for Jesus, who tethers us to You for eternity. Help us to remember that You hold us close, no matter where we go or what we go through. Heal our wounds so we will be a living testament to Your love and faithfulness.